Copyright © 2018 by Comedy Partners

Foreword copyright © 2018 by Merewether LLC

All rights reserved.

Published in the United States by Spiegel & Grau, an imprint of Random House, a division of Penguin Random House LLC, New York.

SPIEGEL & GRAU and colophon is a registered trademark of Penguin Random House LLC.

Hardback ISBN 978-1-9848-0188-3

Ebook ISBN 978-1-9848-0189-0

spiegelandgrau.com

randomhousebooks.com

v5.3.2

s

EDITOR • Steve Bodow

MANAGING EDITOR • Jen Flanz

CHIEF CURATOR • Ramin Hedayati

HEAD WRITERS • Steve Bodow, Daniel Radosh

WRITERS • Amberia Allen, Dan Amira, David Angelo, Devin Delliquanti, Zach DiLanzo, Geoff Haggerty, Ramin Hedayati, Josh Johnson, Matt Koff, Dan McCoy, Lauren Sarver Means, Matt Negrin, Joseph Opio, Zhubin Parang, Kat Radley, Scott Sherman, Colleen Werthmann

PRODUCED BY • Jocelyn Conn

CONTENT PRODUCERS • Matt Negrin, Ant DeRosa

ART DIRECTION AND DESIGN • Angelina Battista, Paulina Niewinska, Erin Smith, and Simon Sullivan

DESIGN/PRODUCTION SUPERVISOR (COMEDY CENTRAL) • Donna Tine

ART • Joe Dettmore, Katie Hall, Dave Heiss, Michael Hogan

ELEMENT PRODUCERS • Elise Terrell, Shawna Shepherd, Beth Shorr, Dave Blog, Adam Chodikoff, Nick Dyer

EDITORIAL ASSISTANT • Katie Maraghy

“Many people have said I’m the world’s greatest writer of 140 character sentences.”

DONALD J. TRUMP, TWITTER

4:50 PM - 21 Jul 2014

COVER

TITLE PAGE

COPYRIGHT

CONTRIBUTORS

INTRODUCTION BY TREVOR NOAH

FOREWORD BY JON MEACHAM

THE DONALD J. TRUMP PRESIDENTAL TWITTER LIBRARY

TERRIFIC HISTORY

The Trump Twitter Timeline

MASTERWORKS

Birth of a Birther

9/11 Haters & Losers

Taco Bowls

Lyin’ Ted

THE SPECIAL RELATIONSHIP

Fox & Friends & Forty-Five

GREATEST BATTLES

The Second Civil War

The Bushkrieg

The War of Masculine Aggression

The Battle of Bullshit Run

The Diet Coke Rebellion

THE NICKNAMES

SAD!: A RETROSPECTIVE

THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TRUMP

TRUMP VS. TRUMP

ELEMENTS!!! OF STYLE

Poetics of a President

MASTERWORKS II

Covfefe

Nobody Has More Respect

Composition in Meme and Bodyslam

My Button Works

Very Stable Genius

MASTERWORK WORKSHOP

The Making of “Very Stable Genius”

HALL OF RETWEETS

THE WALL

BY THE NUMBERS

FEATURED COLLECTIONS

I’m the Best

Constructive Criticism

Like a Dog

Holiday Cheer

Wow

Birther of a Nation

Enigmas of MAGA

TRUMPSTRADAMUS

THE JUMP TO 280

MASTERWORKS III

Phone Tapp

Due Process

Witch Hunt

Bleeding Badly

WAR AND TWEETS

The Real Russia Investigation

GREATEST BATTLES II

Courter’s Last Stand

Global Warring

The Battle of K-Patz

The Problem with Those People

VERIFIED SURVIVORS

MELANIA TRUMP: Trying to Help

MASTERWORKS IV

Illegal Voters

Born Fucked Up

Impeach for Gross Incompetence

FORGERY ALERT: “NOTHING TO HIDE”

11 MINUTES

YOU TOO CAN BE A PART OF HISTORY

ON THE COVER: Trump Crossing the Delaware

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

PHOTO AND ART CREDITS

IN MEMORIAM: Deleted but not Forgotten

INTRODUCTION

When Donald J. Trump launched his campaign for president in 2015, I laughed at the idea. If there’s one thing I knew about Americans, it’s that they wanted their presidents to be dignified, intelligent, and black. Trump had none of these qualities. Even worse, Trump had tweets!

Years and years of tweets, thousands of them, on everything from why Diet Coke doesn’t work to the fact that he is “just not a fan of sharks.” Who would vote to give the nuclear codes to a man who had tweet-demanded that Robert Pattinson dump Kristen Stewart?

But as Trump’s campaign grew into the movement that would sweep him into the White House, I realized that the opposite was true. Trump’s Twitter account didn’t disqualify him. It humanized him. Here was a man who didn’t filter his statements through focus groups or polling consultants—he said what we were all thinking. Or, at least, what he was all thinking. Like how “The worst show in Las Vegas, in my opinion, is @pennjillette. Hokey garbage. New York show even worse!” It’s what Americans needed to hear, and Donald Trump was the only presidential candidate saying it.

We at The Daily Show realized that we must honor this archive of presidential thoughts. Thus was born The Donald J. Trump Presidential Twitter Library, a curated collection of Trump’s most profound and revealing tweets that allowed everyday Americans to literally walk through the President’s mind. After successful openings in New York, Chicago, San Francisco, and Los Angeles, the Library now takes form in this keepsake book, so that you, dear reader, can cherish the experience in the comfort of home.

Please read these tweets in the spirit in which they were composed: with an open heart and with legs straddling the toilet of your choice.

TREVOR NOAH

FOREWORD

Late on the afternoon of Monday, June 30, 1941, Franklin D. Roosevelt spoke at the dedication of his newly constructed presidential library at Hyde Park, New York, the first of its kind in American history. “To bring together the records of the past . . . where they will be preserved for the use of men and women in the future, a Nation must believe in three things,” President Roosevelt told the crowd. “It must believe in the past. It must believe in the future. It must, above all, believe in the capacity of its own people so to learn from the past that they can gain in judgment in creating their own future.”

It wasn’t exactly a Twitter-friendly message. But FDR’s point, if verbose, was simple: Thanks to his efforts then, our generation today would be wiser than the one that elected him. And who’s to say he was wrong?

Given the 2016 presidential election and its aftermath, I am. As a presidential historian, I might have been asked to pen an introduction to the libraries of Roosevelt or Kennedy or one of the Bushes. But instead, my assignment, which I for some reason accepted, is to write 750 words on The Donald J. Trump Presidential Twitter Library. The J. stands for John, and per my lawyer counts as a word.

So Trump may not be FDR, but that is not to say his ever-growing collection of tweets is without historical value. On the contrary. Commanders-in-chief have always been early adopters of the latest means of communication. Lincoln installed a telegraph in the War Department. In 1877, the first White House telephone line enchanted Rutherford Hayes. Calvin Coolidge, notoriously a man of few words, used up a handful of them to reach 23 million radio listeners in his 1925 inaugural, and of course Roosevelt’s fireside chats ushered in the now familiar practice of staring dead-eyed at an electronic media device and hoping to feel something, anything. Truman became the first president to deliver a televised address in 1947. Bill Clinton brought the Oval Office into the Digital Age, sending the first presidential email, though it was later mysteriously deleted by an unknown party in his household.

And now the digital ruminations of the 45th president give us that rarest thing: a running record of a president’s moods and musings. While Woodrow Wilson once observed that a presidency offers its occupant the opportunity to be as big a man as he wants to be, the Trump canon is a chronicle of just how small a president can be. Trump is not the first president to obsess over his opponents and to rant about the seeming injustice of the world. He’s just the first to make the rest of us listen in as he does it.

With that in mind, the closest parallel to President Trump’s tweets should give him no comfort, for the precedent is not FDR’s millions of cubic feet of records or Lincoln’s reams of manuscripts or Jefferson’s thousands of letters. It is the covert White House recordings of Richard M. Nixon, who destroyed his own presidency by allowing his darkest machinations to be captured on audiotape.

Trump partisans, of course, demur, arguing that he (or as he might put it, he “alone”) understands how Twitter eliminates the filter of a hostile press, giving the people what they want: All Trump, All the Time.

Perhaps, but that brings us back to FDR, who felt otherwise. “The public psychology and, for that matter, individual psychology cannot, because of human weakness, be attuned for long periods of time to a constant repetition of the highest note in the scale,” Roosevelt wrote in a 1935 letter. “People tire of seeing the same name day after day in the important headlines of the papers, and the same voice night after night over the radio.” A leader’s balancing act, then, was the education and shaping of public opinion without becoming overly familiar or exhausting.

Trump believes the opposite. For him, attention is all. As president, he has raised narcissism to Homeric heights—a difficult thing to do when one recalls that politicians, as a species, consider public notice to be slightly more essential than oxygen. But here we are. He’s not going to stop.

And so our evaluation of the historical significance of Trump’s tweets brings us to this frightful but urgent conclusion: With the very future of the Republic hanging in the balance, it is imperative that 746, 747, 748, the end.

JON MEACHAM

THE DONALD J. TRUMP

PRESIDENTIAL TWITTER LIBRARY

Presidential libraries have long been a cherished destination for school trips when the amusement park is too expensive. The Daily Show Presents: The Donald J. Trump Presidential Twitter Library continues this grand tradition with a celebration of President Trump’s most important documents: his tweets.

An entire library devoted to one person’s tweets may seem “excessive,” “unwarranted,” or “pretty clearly some kind of publicity stunt.” But the way a president chooses to communicate with the public is often what will define his (the “his” streak lives!) legacy. Indeed, when an average American is asked, “What comes to mind when you think of Donald Trump?” the response is likely to be a short burst of pure, unfiltered, inchoate emotion—in other words, something quite similar to a Trump tweet. That’s how much Trump’s Twitter output has come to shape not only his presidency but the entire era we are now all so fortunate to be surviving.

But becoming the communications genius he is today took a lifetime of being the communications genius he was before today.

BEGINNINGS

Attempts to reconstruct the pre-Twitter life of Donald J. Trump are unavoidably incomplete, as he was not yet finger-banging out his every unedited thought. We do know that Trump was born in Queens, New York, on Flag Day 1946, nine months after the first and, at press time, last wartime use of nuclear weapons. After a hugely successful toddlerhood, young Donald moved on to the best schools, where he showed great promise as a negotiator, claiming, for example, to have once settled a dispute with a music teacher by punching him in the face. High school was at New York Military Academy, where Trump gained the training he would need in Vietnam, if he ever went to Vietnam, which he didn’t. Instead Trump studied business at Wharton. That’s one of the top places in the country, where only really smart people go.

Then the young man cast out on his own, at first subsisting on only a tiny million-dollar loan from his father. Donald soon launched a career in real estate, becoming the first Trump to do so in almost one generation. It was the 1970s. Few saw value in Manhattan, which at the time was less a city and more a floating porn-and-murder barge. But something about a morally bankrupt, money-obsessed smut-scape spoke to Donald Trump. By the time he was 35, Trump had begun to make a name for himself, plant that name in tabloid gossip columns, and then license that name to people who actually made buildings.

After defeating New York, it was on to Atlantic City, where Trump mastered the local hotel-casino game. Yes, at one point Trump’s casinos did hit a bit of a multi-billion-dollar financial rough spot. Yet using only gumption and lawyers, Trump quickly rose all the way from bankruptcy, to another bankruptcy, to two more bankruptcies.

The new millennium found Trump making his first presidential run on a platform promising universal healthcare, cutting the federal deficit, and marrying his supermodel girlfriend. But like a stripper at a bar mitzvah, it was too soon.

Happily, in 2004, Donald discovered the business he was truly meant for: fake business. The Apprentice went on to become, by at least one man’s account, the most popular series in the history of television.

Donald Trump seemed to have it all. Money. Fame. And no beliefs to slow him down. But he wouldn’t be satisfied until he could share his wisdom directly with the American people.

TWITTER

On May 4, 2009, a visionary billionaire logged on to an upstart messaging website, put thumbs to screen, typed a promotional message for his upcoming appearance on David Letterman, and hit send.

Be sure to tune in and watch Donald Trump on Late Night with David Letterman as he presents the Top Ten List tonight!

It was Donald J. Trump’s first tweet. And though he used the name of the wrong Letterman show, it was a moment that would change America forever.

Trump warmed quickly to his new account, which he named “@realDonaldTrump” to prevent imposters from posting tweets that might be embarrassing. Twitter was the ideal medium for the future president: fast, no limits, grammar super-optional. With tweets, he could finally express who the @realDonaldTrump was. The world would now know: These were the things this actual person actually believed were worth writing in public.

The Mar-a-Lago Club has the best meatloaf in America. Tasty. maralagoclub.com/

In the ensuing years and tens of thousands of tweets, Trump cultivated a rhetorical style that projected strength strongly, through brute aggression towards everything from celebrities to TV shows to apex predators.

Sharks are last on my list - other than perhaps the losers and haters of the World!

As one can imagine, speaking such truth to power quickly earned Trump many enemies. But the POTUS-in-waiting refused to be silenced by fear or taste. He launched regular tirades against any perceived foe, offering olive branches only on America’s most sacred of days.

“@realDonaldTrump: I would like to extend my best wishes to all, even the haters and losers, on this special date, September 11th.”

Besides, @realDonaldTrump was far more than just a professional grudge generator. The account often let a fascinated public glimpse into the president-to-be’s private life. We saw, for example, Donald play the part of doting husband with future FLOTUS Melania.

Turn to QVC now to watch Melania - really good stuff!

Trump’s love for his most recent wife sparkled as bright as the high-quality gems she sold on television at such fantastic prices.

Yet with the advantage of some historical distance, we see now that first and foremost, @realDonaldTrump marks Trump irreducibly as a man of his time. For as America’s political climate darkened during the Obama presidency, Donald Trump seemed instinctively to set aside his celebrity feuds and fringe conspiracies for serious political discourse.

THE CANDIDATE

Thanks to his tweets, Donald Trump soon established himself as a leader of the “birther” movement, which only grew stronger as President Obama failed time and again to prove that he was white enough to have been born in the United States.

Trump’s leadership on the issue was well-timed. By 2015, conservative voters were furious at Obama and looking for a presidential candidate with the most anti-Obama credentials, no matter how ludicrous. This was Donald Trump’s moment. In June 2015, he declared he was running for president.

Trump’s candidacy flourished, in no small part thanks to his tweets. Even as his time became more in demand, Donald Trump was digitally relentless, often retweeting those whom society had marginalized, such as white supremacists, neo-Nazis, and other very fine people on both sides.

Trump’s appeal to the Forgotten Nazi worked. By early 2016, he had vanquished seventeen Lyin’, Low Energy, and Truly Weird competitors on his way to securing the Republican nomination.

Truly weird Senator Rand Paul of Kentucky reminds me of a spoiled brat without a properly functioning brain. He was terrible at DEBATE!

His evolution from pop-culture polemicist to populist political firebrand was complete.

THE 2016 ELECTION (WON BY TRUMP)

November 8, 2016: a day none of us shall soon forget. Twitter helped Trump cruise to an easy victory over Crooked Hillary Clinton, defeating her in the electoral college and the popular vote, once the millions of illegal votes were deducted.

@REALPRESIDENTOFTHEUNITEDSTATES

Some questioned whether Trump would continue tweeting postinauguration—once he had assumed the full mantle of responsibilities that come with the world’s most important job. Remember, too, that at that long-ago time, terse, idiosyncratically punctuated online diatribes were not yet considered “presidential.”

Even the president-elect himself felt conflicted, lamenting the very need for tweets:

If the press would cover me accurately & honorably, I would have far less reason to “tweet.” Sadly, I don’t know if that will ever happen!

Yet once in office, the seventy-year-old Trump would keep tweeting with the vigor of a person sixty years his junior.

THE TRUMP LEGACY

At this writing, midway through his first term, President Donald Trump relies more than ever on Twitter, now his chief tool for demolishing roadblocks, such as the legislature and the press. As the former surrenders to his executive authority and the latter vanishes into the mysteries of social media algorithms, now is as good a time, and possibly nearing the end of time, to publish a book on the tweets that made it all happen.

The Daily Show Presents: The Donald J. Trump Presidential Twitter Library curates a comprehensive selection of tweets, retweets, @-replies, and images pulled from Donald J. Trump’s prolific twitterary output of more than 37,000 pieces, exploring the history, art, and science of the 45th president’s tweets—from his earliest attempts to put totally normal fingers to phone, to his emergence as our era’s preeminent social media revolutionary.

As a matter of historical record, we present all Trump tweets “as tweeted.” None have been edited in any way, nor have we corrected spelling or grammar in the many instances where they failed to match our subject’s “alternative” standards. What emerges, we believe, is an indelible (not to say “unimpeachable”) portrait of America’s 45th commander-in-chief—and also, for better or worse, of the society that elected him, in what was one of the biggest electoral college wins of all time. Everyone says so.

TERRIFIC HISTORY

THE TRUMP TWITTER TIMELINE

BEFORE TWITTER

1946–2008: 0 TWEETS

Emerging from the primordial pre-Twitter ooze, Donald J. Trump, an aspiring real estate developer and minor tabloid celebrity, anticipates the coming medium with his own unique form of communication: commenting on things he doesn’t like by scrawling his remarks in Sharpie and mailing them to people.

THE BRONZER AGE

2009: 56 TWEETS

2010: 155 TWEETS

Trump displays an early fascination with building walls

“My persona will never be that of a wallflower - I’d rather build walls than cling to them”

-- Donald J. Trump

12 May 2009

Proof that Donald Trump once spent time with his wife

Melania and I saw American Idiot on Broadway last night and it was great. An amazing theatrical experience!

21 April 2010

Trump congratulates his main daughter on her marriage to the real estate heir who will one day be tasked with brokering Mideast peace

-- From Donald Trump: “Ivanka and Jared’s wedding was spectacular, and they make a beautiful couple. I’m a very proud father.”

27 Oct 2009

Trump’s historic first tweet, likely written by his caddy/social media coordinator

“Be sure to tune in and watch Donald Trump on Late Night with David Letterman as he presents the Top Ten List tonight!”

4 May 2009

The future 45th president stars in a groundbreaking Serta mattress web series

Check out the last webisode in our 3 part series featuring me with Serta. Which one was your favorite?

12 Aug 2010

Trump decides not to run for president, disappointed nation begins a four-year wait

This has been a very difficult decision regarding the Presidential run and I want to thank all my twitter fans for your fantastic support.

16 May 2011

Trump discovers a groundbreaking new form of therapy: cyberbullying. Confirms that he has yet to obtain professional psychiatric help.

It makes me feel so good to hit “sleazebags” back -- much better than seeing a psychiatrist (which I never have!)

19 Nov 2012

Trump first devises ingenious shorthand for the many haters and losers in his life: “haters and losers”

It’s okay but why do the haters (& losers) want to follow me on twitter?? Get a life!

12 Feb 2013

“Be prepared, there is a small chance that our horrendous leadership could unknowingly lead us into World War III.”

31 Aug 2013

THE CRANIUM EXPLOSION

2011: 963 TWEETS

2012: 4585 TWEETS

2013: 8731 TWEETS

Trump begins friendship with Pulitzer-aware opinion journalist Sean Hannity

Watched Sean Hannity last night -- a great guy.

29 Jul 2011

First attack on classless loser Rosie O’Donnell

Please send a psychiatrist to help @Rosie, she’s in a bad state. To @Rosie’s girlfriend’s parents--- get your daughter out of there before it’s too late.

15 Dec 2011

The birth of mainstream birtherism

An ‘extremely credible source’ has called my office and told me that @BarackObama’s birth certificate is a fraud.

6 Aug 2012

First appearance of iconic catchphrase “Sad!”

Our leaders are terrible. The government spends over $50B a day. It can’t find cuts for less than 2 days of spending?! Sad!

25 Feb 2013

Spelling aside, he wasn’t wrong

@MileyCyrus is on a very triky and slippery path right now. The right moves will lead to greatness, the wrong moves to oblivion! GUIDANCE.

8 Oct 2013

Trump warns nation, wishes it luck

It’s almost like the United States has no President - we are a rudderless ship heading for a major disaster. Good luck everyone!

19 Mar 2014

“I am officially running for President of the United States. #MakeAmericaGreatAgain”

16 June 2015

TV star leads brave fight against “on-the-air” pollution

Who is paying for that tedious Smokey Bear commercial that is on all the time—enough already!

8 Jan 2015

Some Mexicans relieved to hear they might be good people

Today I officially declared my candidacy for President of the United States. Watch the video of my full speech-

16 Jun 2015

Nevertheless, he persisted

I am having a really hard time watching @FoxNews.

21 Sep 2015

THE FEUDAL PERIOD

2014: 7029 TWEETS

2015: 9182 TWEETS

A future leader reflects on his predecessor’s legacy

Sadly, because president Obama has done such a poor job as president, you won’t see another black president for generations!

25 Nov 2014

First mention of “failing New York Times”

Dummy Bill Maher did an advertisement for the failing New York Times where the picture of him is very sad-he looks pathetic, bloated & gone!

23 Dec 2014

Trump crafts sensitive response to the Charlie Hebdo killings in Paris

If the morons who killed all of those people at Charlie Hebdo would have just waited, the magazine would have folded - no money, no success!

14 Jan 2015

Funk-pop aficionado DJT beta-tests famed “more lawyers” defense strategy

Boy did Pharrell & Robin Thicke get screwed. The Marvin Gaye song sounds nothing like theirs. Get new lawyers fast!

13 Mar 2015

Trump gets it: everyone loves comedy about his tweets

I am at the Saturday Night Live Studio - electricity all over the place. We will be doing a “tweeting” skit, so stay tuned!

7 Nov 2015

Going above and beyond as usual, Trump not only orders a medical report, but also writes it himself

As a presidential candidate, I have instructed my long-time doctor to issue, within two weeks, a full medical report-it will show perfection

3 Dec 2015

Trump wins election, immediately begins implementing hat-based agenda

“TODAY WE MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!”

8 Nov 2016

Candidate Trump bestows upon Hillary her formal nickname, coronating her as his forever-nemesis

Crooked Hillary Clinton is spending a fortune on ads against me. I am the one person she doesn’t want to run against. Will be such fun!

17 Apr 2016

Six months into 2017, Trump’s 2016 campaign reaches a fever pitch

Crooked H destroyed phones w/ hammer, ‘bleached’ emails, & had husband meet w/AG days before she was cleared- & they talk about obstruction?

15 Jun 2017

Donald Trump: Master of Interrogation

I strongly pressed President Putin twice about Russian meddling in our election. He vehemently denied it. I’ve already given my opinion.....

9 Jul 2017

Definitely not a vacation

Working in Bedminster, N.J., as long planned construction is being done at the White House. This is not a vacation - meetings and calls!

5 Aug 2017

President Trump launches a devastating nukename at Kim Jong-un

Just heard Foreign Minister of North Korea speak at U.N. If he echoes thoughts of Little Rocket Man, they won’t be around much longer!

23 Sept 2017

THE CAMPAIGN PHASE

2016: 5342 TWEETS

Campaigning on the issues

Did Crooked Hillary help disgusting (check out sex tape and past) Alicia M become a U.S. citizen so she could use her in the debate?

30 Sept 2016

Trump explains why sexual assault actually not that big a deal when you think about it

I’m not proud of my lockerroom talk. But this world has serious problems. We need serious leaders. #debate #BigLeagueTruth

9 Oct 2016

The president-elect demands recount of election he won

In addition to winning the Electoral College in a landslide, I won the popular vote if you deduct the millions of people who voted illegally

27 Nov 2016

POTUS thanks advisers for his daily intelligence briefing

Great reporting by @foxandfriends and so many others. Thank you!

9 Jul 2017

First instance of a president making military policy on Twitter, replacing traditional method of “contacting the Department of Defense”

After consultation with my Generals and military experts, please be advised that the United States Government will not accept or allow......

....Transgender individuals to serve in any capacity in the U.S. Military. Our military must be focused on decisive and overwhelming.....

....victory and cannot be burdened with the tremendous medical costs and disruption that transgender in the military would entail.

Thank you

26 Jul 2017

Having fixed all of the problems plaguing the federal government, President Trump sets his sights on professional sports

The NFL has all sorts of rules and regulations. The only way out for them is to set a rule that you can’t kneel during our National Anthem!

26 Sept 2017

Sadly, few Puerto Ricans saw these tweets, because their electrical grid was being lazy

...Such poor leadership ability by the Mayor of San Juan, and others in Puerto Rico, who are not able to get their workers to help. They....

...want everything to be done for them when it should be a community effort. 10,000 Federal workers now on Island doing a fantastic job.

30 Sep 2017

Trump makes clear: Under him, the U.S. will NEVER negotiate with journalists

Time Magazine called to say that I was PROBABLY going to be named “Man (Person) of the Year,” like last year, but I would have to agree to an interview and a major photo shoot. I said probably is no good and took a pass. Thanks anyway!

24 Nov 2017

Trump’s “most-watched SotU in history” all the more impressive for having been watched by fewer people than SotU’s by Obama, Clinton, and Bush

Thank you for all of the nice compliments and reviews on the State of the Union speech. 45.6 million people watched, the highest number in history. @FoxNews beat every other Network, for the first time ever, with 11.7 million people tuning in. Delivered from the heart!

1 Feb 2018

Praising the NRA one day after publicly advocating strict new gun laws highlights POTUS’s ability to listen to, strongly agree with, and also do nothing about both sides of an argument

Good (Great) meeting in the Oval Office tonight with the NRA!

1 Mar 2018

Stable genius recognize stable genius

Thank you Kanye, very cool!

25 Apr 2018

KANYE WEST @Kanyewest

You don’t have to agree with trump but the mob can’t make me not love him. We are both dragon energy. He is my brother. I love everyone. I don’t agree with everything anyone does. That’s what makes us individuals. And we have the right to independent thought.

COMMANDER-IN-TWEET

2017: 2594 TWEETS

2018: 2413 TWEETS (PROJECTED)

Trump dislikes social media, according to his 22nd tweet of the week

I use Social Media not because I like to, but because it is the only way to fight a VERY dishonest and unfair “press,” now often referred to as Fake News Media. Phony and non-existent “sources” are being used more often than ever. Many stories & reports a pure fiction!

30 Dec 2017

President issues harshest indictment of Jay-Z since Lemonade

Somebody please inform Jay-Z that because of my policies, Black Unemployment has just been reported to be at the LOWEST RATE EVER RECORDED!

28 Jan 2018

First use of Twitter to fire a cabinet secretary, which, like losing virginity, is always best done in public

Mike Pompeo, Director of the CIA, will become our new Secretary of State. He will do a fantastic job! Thank you to Rex Tillerson for his service! Gina Haspel will become the new Director of the CIA, and the first woman so chosen. Congratulations to all!

13 Mar 2018

President celebrates the only fire effectively put out during his administration

Fire at Trump Tower is out. Very confined (well built building). Firemen (and women) did a great job. THANK YOU!

7 Apr 2018

POTUS’s wife was sic, but fortunately got better

Great to have our incredible First Lady back home in the White House. Melanie is feeling and doing really well. Thank you for all of your prayers and best wishes!

19 May 2018

“My use of social media is not Presidential - it’s MODERN DAY PRESIDENTIAL.

Make America Great Again!”

1 Jul 2017

MASTERWORKS

An ‘extremely credible source’ has called my office and told me that @BarackObama’s birth certificate is a fraud.

“BIRTH OF A BIRTHER”

6 AUG 2012 - 4:23 PM

MEDIUM: TWITTER WEB CLIENT

DIMENSIONS: 113 CHARACTERS

Critics may disagree on the greatest of Trump’s tweets, but all cite “Birth of a Birther” as his first unquestionable masterpiece. Taken as a standalone work, one can marvel at the audacity of his creative imagination—the delicacy of the halo of quotations encircling “extremely credible source.” Yet it is as a preface to Trump’s most productive creative period that “Birth of a Birther” finds its true strength—achieving a metaphorical “birthing” of the artist’s identity by questioning the literal birth of another. Contradictory forces thus become complementary, as Trump is clearly inspired by the harmonious interplay of yin and yang first described in ancient China, a known currency manipulator.

“@realDonaldTrump: I would like to extend my best wishes to all, even the haters and losers, on this special date, September 11th.”

“9/11 HATERS AND LOSERS”

11 SEP 2013 - 8:12 PM

MEDIUM: TWITTER FOR ANDROID

DIMENSIONS: 131 CHARACTERS

Remembrance. Reverence. Defiance. These traits are on full display in this double-edged salutation that both honors and mocks Trump’s critics on the twelfth anniversary of America’s deadliest terror attack. A product of late Birther Era angst, the original 7:21 A.M. version of this tweet was deleted circa 2015 (Early Campaign Phase); yet this 8:12 P.M. manual self-retweet, which for some reason was not also deleted, allows the work to live on. These faux-naïf modifications only redouble the tweet’s meaning: simultaneously an admission of impropriety and a bold provocation towards the very “haters and losers” he addresses. Though he continued to work in the “insult-comic statesman” genre on subsequent holidays, no other tweet matches the discursive complexity of this confrontational tour de force.

Happy #CincoDeMayo! The best taco bowls are made in Trump Tower Grill. I love Hispanics!

facebook.com/DonaldTrump/po..

“TACO BOWLS”

5 MAY 2016 - 2:57 PM

MEDIUM: TWITTER FOR IPHONE

DIMENSIONS: 88 CHARACTERS, 1024 X 1365 PHOTO

A decidedly American artist, Trump rarely draws from other creative traditions. Yet here we see him showcasing pride in a Mesoamerican heritage that, for the artist’s instant and effortless mastery of the form, may as well be his own. At the same time, the taco bowl’s oblique symbolism embodies Trump’s trademark patriotism: his is a crisp, crunchy nation, deep-fried and welcoming to all fixin’s that yearn to dwell therein, provided they rise to his own Towering standards. Guac is extra.

Lyin’ Ted Cruz just used a picture of Melania from a G.Q. shoot in his ad. Be careful, Lyin’ Ted, or I will spill the beans on your wife!

“LYIN’ TED”

22 MAR 2016 - 9:53 PM

MEDIUM: TWITTER FOR ANDROID

DIMENSIONS: 137 CHARACTERS

In the “Primary Phase” of his Campaign period (early 2016), Trump began to incorporate a number of new characters into his artistic narrative: in this tweet, the tragic clown “Lyin’ Ted Cruz.” Historians dispute whether the actual Cruz was friend or rival to Trump during this period, but what is clear is that he is presented within the diegesis as Trump’s most dogged yet miserable foil, an inverted ego sculpted from living embarrassment. Here Trump surreally imagines pouring beans over the body of Lyin’ Ted’s spouse—a double cuckolding, given Lyin’ Ted’s known love for beans and (one also assumes) his wife.

THE SPECIAL

RELATIONSHIP

FOX & FRIENDS & FORTY-FIVE

Long before his big, unprecedented electoral college landslide victory, Donald Trump held the blond-lady-sandwich morning news program Fox & Friends in high esteem. He was a frequent Fox & Friends guest, and no wonder; the show’s rigor, objectivity, and fundamental decency exactly matched Trump’s own.

Once Mr. Trump became president, what had begun as friendly, pre-breakfast TV banter on racial purity and vaccines’ link to autism evolved into his most important daily intelligence briefing. The “Curvy Couch Cabinet” presented its findings with a flair that normal intel reports couldn’t match: jaunty music, unquestioning validation, and glimpses of upper thigh when the middle one crossed her legs.

Perhaps Fox & Friends’s most potent tool was its lower-screen headline banner. These simple, concise phrases helped the world’s most powerful man form his thoughts, often by presenting him with those thoughts already fully cooked and ready-to-tweet.

26 JAN 2017

5:50 AM

6:04 AM

Ungrateful TRAITOR Chelsea Manning, who should never have been released from prison, is now calling President Obama a weak leader. Terrible!

18 OCT 2017

6:27 AM

7:06 AM

The NFL has decided that it will not force players to stand for the playing of our National Anthem. Total disrespect for our great country!

19 OCT 2017

6:48 AM

7:56 AM

Workers of firm involved with the discredited and Fake Dossier take the 5th. Who paid for it, Russia, the FBI or the Dems (or all)?

27 OCT 2017

6:29 AM

7:56 AM

Happy birthday to the great @TheLeeGreenwood. You and your beautiful song have made such a difference. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!

3 DEC 2017

8:08 AM

8:36 AM

Report: “ANTI-TRUMP FBI AGENT LED CLINTON EMAIL PROBE” Now it all starts to make sense!

2 JAN 2018

7:24 AM

9:13 AM

Since taking office I have been very strict on Commercial Aviation. Good news - it was just reported that there were Zero deaths in 2017, the best and safest year on record!

6 MAR 2018

7:09 AM

8:25 AM

Lowest rated Oscars in HISTORY. Problem is, we don’t have Stars anymore - except your President (just kidding, of course)!

31 MAR 2018

6:06 AM

8:53 AM

Governor Jerry “Moonbeam” Brown pardoned 5 criminal illegal aliens whose crimes include (1) Kidnapping and Robbery (2) Badly beating wife and threatening a crime with intent to terrorize (3) Dealing drugs. Is this really what the great people of California want? @FoxNews

GREATEST BATTLES

THE SECOND CIVIL WAR

Some presidents believe in reaching across the aisle. Others believe in taking on the other side. But not until Donald Trump did we have a president brave enough to mercilessly attack his own party. Trump’s ongoing war against the GOP pits brother against brother, friend against friend, and everyone against Ted Cruz. It is on this field of battle that Trump perfected the most devastating weapon in his Twitter arsenal: the cruel nickname.

With Ben Carson wanting to hit his mother on head with a hammer, stab a friend and Pyramids built for grain storage - don’t people get it?

Little Marco Rubio is just another Washington D.C. politician that is all talk and no action. #RobotRubio

Lindsey Graham is all over T.V., much like failed 47% candidate Mitt Romney. These nasty, angry, jealous failures have ZERO credibility!

Our very weak and ineffective leader, Paul Ryan, had a bad conference call where his members went wild at his disloyalty.

The very foul mouthed Sen. John McCain begged for my support during his primary (I gave, he won), then dropped me over locker room remarks!

The only problem I have with Mitch McConnell is that, after hearing Repeal & Replace for 7 years, he failed!That should NEVER have happened!

Bob Corker, who helped President O give us the bad Iran Deal & couldn’t get elected dog catcher in Tennessee, is now fighting Tax Cuts....

Sen. Jeff Flake(y), who is unelectable in the Great State of Arizona (quit race, anemic polls) was caught (purposely) on “mike” saying bad things about your favorite President. He’ll be a NO on tax cuts because his political career anyway is “toast.”

THE BUSHKRIEG

One of Donald Trump’s most decisive victories was over Jeb (Jeb!) Bush. Where some candidates may have seen an unobtrusive family man of basic decency whose poll numbers posed literally zero threat, Trump saw a menace whom he not only had to crush, but to destroy so thoroughly that the shattered fragments of his personality could never be put together again.

Jeb Bush has a photoshopped photo for an ad which gives him a black left hand and much different looking body. Jeb just can’t get it right!

Jeb Bush never uses his last name on advertising, signage, materials etc. Is he ashamed of the name BUSH? A pretty sad situation. Go Jeb!

Just watched Jeb’s ad where he desperately needed mommy to help him. Jeb --- mom can’t help you with ISIS, the Chinese or with Putin.

Jeb failed as Jeb! He gave up and enlisted Mommy and his brother (who got us into the quicksand of Iraq). Spent $120 million.Weak-no chance!

Jeb Bush just got contact lenses and got rid of the glasses. He wants to look cool, but it’s far too late. 1% in Nevada!

Low energy Jeb Bush just endorsed a man he truly hates, Lyin’ Ted Cruz. Honestly, I can’t blame Jeb in that I drove him into oblivion!

THE WAR OF MASCULINE AGGRESSION

No one respects women more than Donald Trump. That’s why he has always fought against womankind’s intrinsic tendency to make fools and/or sluts of themselves. Boldly challenging insurgent troublemakers like Rosie O’Donnell, Bette Midler, Cher, and victims of sexual assault in the military, Trump emerges from his battles with women proving time and again that his “great respect” will never blind him to their many physical and emotional flaws.

.@ariannahuff is unattractive both inside and out. I fully understand why her former husband left her for a man- he made a good decision.

.@BetteMidler talks about my hair but I’m not allowed to talk about her ugly face or body --- so I won’t. Is this a double standard?

.@cher--I don’t wear a “rug”— it’s mine. And I promise not to talk about your massive plastic surgeries that didn’t work.

26,000 unreported sexual assults in the military-only 238 convictions. What did these geniuses expect when they put men & women together?

Sorry, @Rosie is a mentally sick woman, a bully, a dummy and, above all, a loser. Other than that she is just wonderful!

I refuse to call Megyn Kelly a bimbo, because that would not be politically correct. Instead I will only call her a lightweight reporter!

The press is going out of their way to convince people that I do not like or respect women, when they know that it is just the opposite!

THE BATTLE OF BULLSHIT RUN

A tragic tale of allies turned against one another, Donald Trump’s war with the media could easily have been avoided, if only news outlets had refrained from reporting on things that Trump did or said. He was forced to lay waste to print and television alike, ensuring that no person will ever again hear the word “news” without also thinking “fake.”

Congratulations to @FoxNews for being number one in inauguration ratings. They were many times higher than FAKE NEWS @CNN - public is smart!

The fake news media is going crazy with their conspiracy theories and blind hatred. @MSNBC & @CNN are unwatchable. @foxandfriends is great!

The FAKE NEWS media (failing @nytimes, @NBCNews, @ABC, @CBS, @CNN) is not my enemy, it is the enemy of the American People!

So they caught Fake News CNN cold, but what about NBC, CBS & ABC? What about the failing @nytimes & @washingtonpost? They are all Fake News!

The Fake News Is going all out in order to demean and denigrate! Such hatred!

CNN’S slogan is CNN, THE MOST TRUSTED NAME IN NEWS. Everyone knows this is not true, that this could, in fact, be a fraud on the American Public. There are many outlets that are far more trusted than Fake News CNN. Their slogan should be CNN, THE LEAST TRUSTED NAME IN NEWS!

I will be announcing THE MOST DISHONEST & CORRUPT MEDIA AWARDS OF THE YEAR on Monday at 5:00 o’clock. Subjects will cover Dishonesty & Bad Reporting in various categories from the Fake News Media. Stay tuned!

The Fake News is working overtime. Just reported that, despite the tremendous success we are having with the economy & all things else, 91% of the Network News about me is negative (Fake). Why do we work so hard in working with the media when it is corrupt? Take away credentials?

THE DIET COKE REBELLION

Donald Trump’s early skirmish with Diet Coke was instrumental in forging his theory of Twitter warfare. Here we track his battle with the “(soda)”: from his opening salvo aimed at the drink’s lack of appeal to thin people, to his penultimate tweet on the subject, in which Trump bravely admits that his true battle with Diet Coke . . . is in his own heart.

I have never seen a thin person drinking Diet Coke.

Lots of response to my comment on Diet Coke- let’s face it, it doesn’t work- just makes you hungry

Diet Coke tweet had a monster response-- dammit, I wish the stuff worked.

The Coca Cola company is not happy with me--that’s okay, I’ll still keep drinking that garbage.

People are going crazy with my comments on Diet Coke (soda). Let’s face it--this stuff just doesn’t work. It makes you hungry.

THE NICKNAMES

After his son-in-law Jared, the biggest strategic tool in Donald Trump’s rise to national leadership was the disparaging Twitter nickname. Inspired no doubt by the nation’s children, Trump devised his now-famous method of placing an insulting descriptor immediately before the name of his antagonist. Below, a selection of the devastating results, along with accompanying first-edition artist’s renderings.

Thank you to Rasmussen for the honest polling. Just hit 50%, which is higher than Cheatin’ Obama at the same time in his Administration

Crooked Hillary Clinton blames everybody (and every thing) but herself for her election loss. She lost the debates and lost her direction!

Little Marco Rubio, the lightweight no show Senator from Florida, is set to be the “puppet” of the special interest Koch brothers. WATCH!

Goofy Elizabeth Warren, sometimes referred to as Pocahontas, pretended to be a Native American in order to advance her career. Very racist!

Word is that Sleepy Eyes Chuck Todd, who has failed so badly with Meet the Press, will be taking over for now irrelevant Brian Williams!

Lyin’ Ted Cruz denied that he had anything to do with the G.Q. model photo post of Melania. That’s why we call him Lyin’ Ted!

Low energy Jeb Bush just endorsed a man he truly hates, Lyin’ Ted Cruz. Honestly, I can’t blame Jeb in that I drove him into oblivion!

Truly weird Senator Rand Paul of Kentucky reminds me of a spoiled brat without a properly functioning brain. He was terrible at DEBATE!

I heard poorly rated @Morning_Joe speaks badly of me (don’t watch anymore). Then how come low I.Q. Crazy Mika, along with Psycho Joe, came..

The fact that Sneaky Dianne Feinstein, who has on numerous occasions stated that collusion between Trump/Russia has not been found, would release testimony in such an underhanded and possibly illegal way, totally without authorization, is a disgrace. Must have tough Primary!

I don’t want to hit Crazy Bernie Sanders too hard yet because I love watching what he is doing to Crooked Hillary. His time will come!

Michael Wolff is a total loser who made up stories in order to sell this really boring and untruthful book. He used Sloppy Steve Bannon, who cried when he got fired and begged for his job. Now Sloppy Steve has been dumped like a dog by almost everyone. Too bad!

Just heard Foreign Minister of North Korea speak at U.N. If he echoes thoughts of Little Rocket Man, they won’t be around much longer!

Cryin’ Chuck Schumer stated recently, “I do not have confidence in him (James Comey) any longer.” Then acts so indignant. #draintheswamp

SAD!: A RETROSPECTIVE

The many people, events, and twists of fate that made Donald Trump feel this human emotion

Democrat Congresswoman totally fabricated what I said to the wife of a soldier who died in action (and I have proof). Sad!

My son Donald did a good job last night. He was open, transparent and innocent. This is the greatest Witch Hunt in political history. Sad!

The election is absolutely being rigged by the dishonest and distorted media pushing Crooked Hillary - but also at many polling places - SAD

The Democrats have said some of the worst things about James Comey, including the fact that he should be fired, but now they play so sad!

Putin has become a big hero in Russia with an all time high popularity. Obama, on the other hand, has fallen to his lowest ever numbers. SAD

FAKE NEWS media knowingly doesn’t tell the truth. A great danger to our country. The failing @nytimes has become a joke. Likewise @CNN. Sad!

.@ArsenioHall - How quickly people forget, but not me! You told me that without The Apprentice you could never have gotten your show - Sad!

The United Nations has such great potential but right now it is just a club for people to get together, talk and have a good time. So sad!

Wow, Lyin’ Ted Cruz really went wacko today. Made all sorts of crazy charges. Can’t function under pressure - not very presidential. Sad!

After 7 months of investigations & committee hearings about my “collusion with the Russians,” nobody has been able to show any proof. Sad!

Because of me, the Republican Party has taken in millions of new voters, a record. If they are not careful, they will all leave. Sad!

THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TRUMP

DONALD TRUMP’S MAKING PLACES GREAT AGAIN DOESN’T STOP WITH AMERICA. SEE WHAT THE CURRENT PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES HAS TWEETED ABOUT OTHER COUNTRIES TO RE-GREATEN THEM AGAIN, TOO.

THE AMERICAS

Canada has made business for our dairy farmers in Wisconsin and other border states very difficult. We will not stand for this. Watch!

The Mexican legal system is corrupt, as is much of Mexico. Pay me the money that is owed me now - and stop sending criminals over our border

If Cuba is unwilling to make a better deal for the Cuban people, the Cuban/American people and the U.S. as a whole, I will terminate deal.

Can you believe it—the model who mysteriously disappeared from the ObamaCare website is not a US citizen—she’s from Colombia.

EUROPE

Remember when I recently said that Brussels is a “hell hole” and a mess and the failing @nytimes wrote a critical article. I was so right!

I told you @TIME Magazine would never pick me as person of the year despite being the big favorite They picked person who is ruining Germany

Sad. Our food stamp rolls now surpass the entire population of Spain http://bit.ly/Y5PzX5 We must do better or we will be Greece.

Top suspect in Paris massacre, Salah Abdeslam, who also knew of the Brussels attack, is no longer talking. Weak leaders, ridiculous laws!

Everyone should boycott Italy if Amanda Knox is not freed---she is totally innocent.

The United Kingdom is trying hard to disguise their massive Muslim problem. Everybody is wise to what is happening, very sad! Be honest.

First Minister @AlexSalmond will be destroying the beauty of Scotland with his insane desire for bird killing wind turbines.

Give the public a break - The FAKE NEWS media is trying to say that large scale immigration in Sweden is working out just beautifully. NOT!

Do you think Putin will be going to The Miss Universe Pageant in November in Moscow - if so, will he become my new best friend?

AFRICA

Let’s take a closer look at that birth certificate. @BarackObama was described in 2003 as being “born in Kenya.”

Obama won’t send troops to fight jihadists, yet sends them to Liberia to contract Ebola. He is a delusional failure.

I always said the people we fought for in Libya were bad news. Once again, I was right.

As I have long been saying, South Africa is a total - and very dangerous - mess. Just watch the evening news (when not talking weather).

ALL OF WEST AFRICA (and also sort of ISRAEL)

President Obama, I have an idea! Pretend that West Africa is Israel and then you will be able to stop the Ebola area flights.

MIDDLE EAST

Afghanistan is a total disaster. We don’t know what we are doing. They are, in addition to everything else, robbing us blind.

Iran continues to delay the nuclear deal while doing many bad things behind our backs. Time to WALK and double the sanctions. Stop payments!

Iraq in political turmoil one day after we leave---I told you so.

With allies like Egypt and Libya, who needs enemies?!

When will Pakistan apologize to us for providing safe sanctuary to Osama Bin Laden for 6 years?! Some “ally.”

Have you been watching how Saudi Arabia has been taunting our VERY dumb political leaders to protect them from ISIS. Why aren’t they paying?

If we are going to continue to be stupid and go into Syria (watch Russia), as they say in the movies, SHOOT FIRST AND TALK LATER!

ASIA / PACIFIC

Wake Up America -- China is eating our lunch.

In debate, @MittRomney should ask Obama why autobiography states “born in Kenya, raised in Indonesia.”

Does President Obama ever discuss the sneak attack on Pearl Harbor while he’s in Japan? Thousands of American lives lost. #MDW

Crazy Dennis Rodman is saying I wanted to go to North Korea with him. Never discussed, no interest, last place on Earth I want to go to.

China wouldn’t provide a red carpet stairway from Air Force One and then Philippines President calls Obama “the son of a whore.” Terrible!

Do you believe it? The Obama Administration agreed to take thousands of illegal immigrants from Australia. Why? I will study this dumb deal!

TRUMP VS. TRUMP

Most politicians base their decisions on strongly held beliefs. President Trump’s brain is so uniquely good (or great) that it can hold many different beliefs on the same subject. This is an amazing, beautiful gift. Or it isn’t. Or it’s both.

THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE

The electoral college is a disaster for a democracy.

The Electoral College is actually genius in that it brings all states, including the smaller ones, into play. Campaigning is much different!

POST-ELECTION PROTESTS

We can’t let this happen. We should march on Washington and stop this travesty. Our nation is totally divided!

Just had a very open and successful presidential election. Now professional protesters, incited by the media, are protesting. Very unfair!

MARCO RUBIO

Marco Rubio is being crucified by the media for drinking water during speech!

Marco Rubio couldn’t even respond properly to President Obama’s State of the Union Speech without pouring sweat & chugging water. He choked!

SYRIA

AGAIN, TO OUR VERY FOOLISH LEADER, DO NOT ATTACK SYRIA - IF YOU DO MANY VERY BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN & FROM THAT FIGHT THE U.S. GETS NOTHING!

Congratulations to our great military men and women for representing the United States, and the world, so well in the Syria attack.

GOLF

Can you believe that,with all of the problems and difficulties facing the U.S., President Obama spent the day playing golf.Worse than Carter

Played golf today with Prime Minister Abe of Japan and @TheBig_Easy, Ernie Els, and had a great time. Japan is very well represented!

TIME MAGAZINE

The Time Magazine list of the 100 Most Influential People is a joke and stunt of a magazine that will, like Newsweek,soon be dead. Bad list!

Thank you to Time Magazine and Financial Times for naming me “Person of the Year” - a great honor!

ANONYMOUS SOURCES

An ‘extremely credible source’ has called my office and told me that @BarackObama’s birth certificate is a fraud.

Remember, don’t believe “sources said” by the VERY dishonest media. If they don’t name the sources, the sources don’t exist.

MEETING WITH NORTH KOREA

I told Rex Tillerson, our wonderful Secretary of State, that he is wasting his time trying to negotiate with Little Rocket Man . . .

The deal with North Korea is very much in the making and will be, if completed, a very good one for the World. Time and place to be determined.

OBAMACARE

Republicans should just REPEAL failing ObamaCare now & work on a new Healthcare Plan that will startfrom a clean slate. Dems will join in!

As I have always said, let ObamaCare fail and then come together and do a great healthcare plan. Stay tuned!

WATCHING TV

The W.H. is functioning perfectly, focused on HealthCare, Tax Cuts/Reform & many other things. I have very little time for watching T.V.

I am watching @FoxNews and how fairly they are treating me and my words, and @CNN, and the total distortion of my words and what I am saying

Heading back to Washington after working hard and watching some of the worst and most dishonest Fake News reporting I have ever seen!

Watched low rated @Morning_Joe for first time in long time. FAKE NEWS. He called me to stop a National Enquirer article. I said no! Bad show

I love watching these poor, pathetic people (pundits) on television working so hard and so seriously to try and figure me out. They can’t!

I look forward to watching @megynkelly tonight, 8 PM ET. It will be interesting to see how she treats me—I think she will be very fair.

Elements!!! of STYLE

POETICS OF A PRESIDENT

“nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands” —E.E. CUMMINGS

In the right hands, tweets are poems—pure expression, distilled and refined into elegant written word. Best do-er of this: TRUMP.

Like the man himself, Trump’s style has time for neither rules nor decency. His grammar is rebellious. His syntax, beyond rules. His rhythm, cavemanlike. But this primal simplicity is exactly how Trump captivates. It’s chaos. Seemingly pointless exclamation points subdivide parentheticals that sit inside acronyms that don’t even exist. He Capitalizes at random, sometimes for emphasis, Sometimes not. And throughout, the work vibrates with outbursts of emotional intensity: stark despair (“SAD!”), sympathetic joy (“CONGRATS!”), impotent rage (“NO COLLUSION!”).

Unorthodox? MAGA. But Trump still does what all great poets do—compel their readers to question. Why did he put quotation marks around the word “me”? How could anyone misspell the word “tap”? What, for the love of all in this world that is holy, is up with this guy? These are the eternal mysteries that only poetry can answer.

The Trump Twitter Library’s big, beautiful MAGA-netic Poetry Wall of all the best words.

Despite the constant negative press covfefe

“COVFEFE”

31 MAY 2017 - 12:06 AM (DELETED APPROXIMATELY 5:45 AM)

MEDIUM: TWITTER FOR IPHONE

DIMENSIONS: 43 CHARACTERS

Here in his single-tweet Minimalist phase, the real subject is not Trump’s wholly original non-word, but rather that which is not seen: the ghostly remainder of the sentence that would have followed. With confident reference to Gilbert Stuart’s “Unfinished Portrait” of President Washington, President Trump compels viewers to a greater level of engagement, demanding that they fill the post-fragment negative space. Seeking guidance along this path not taken, we find ourselves shocked at how familiar we have become with his oeuvre—feeling, as a community, the unspoken “Sad!,” the silent boast, the invisible #MAGA.

Nothing ever happened with any of these women. Totally made up nonsense to steal the election. Nobody has more respect for women than me!

“NOBODY HAS MORE RESPECT”

15 OCT 2016 - 2:29 PM

MEDIUM: TWITTER FOR ANDROID

DIMENSIONS: 137 CHARACTERS

Beset on all sides by the Access Hollywood “Pussy Grab” tape and multiple accusations of sexual assault, Donald Trump is a candidate on the brink, pushed to the very limits of his character count. Forged during the darkest days of Trump’s late Campaign Era, this tweet is a master parry intended to deny, deflect, and riposte—and it succeeds on all counts. As this tweet begins, America’s concern is for his thirteen alleged victims, yet 137 characters later, there is concern for but one victim: Donald Trump. The true crime being committed is not sexual assault, but rather election theft. And then comes the ultimate denouement—“Nobody has more respect for women than me!”—a statement of climactic hyperbole that stuns the reader into submission. This is an artist who can, linguistically, do whatever he wants. “When you’re a star, they let you do it.” Indeed.

#FraudNewsCNN #FNN

“COMPOSITION IN MEME AND BODYSLAM”

2 JULY 2017 - 9:21 AM

MEDIUM: TWITTER FOR IPHONE

DIMENSIONS: 18 CHARACTERS, 1280 X 720 VIDEO

Behold CNN, trapped eternally in a Sisyphean cycle of brutality and defeat. Trump’s single-most retweeted work melds professional wrestling imagery and media criticism, translating his verbal assaults on America’s press into pure preliterate spectacle: Warrior King Trump annihilating a faceless and pathetic CNN avatar in visceral, visual terms that even a toddler could grasp. Released on July 4th weekend, “Bodyslam” is itself an historic declaration, not just of the President’s independence, but of his honor, dignity, and comfort with casual violence.

CURATOR’S NOTE: Scholars later reattributed this as a “found art” piece, based on the work of Reddit user “HanAssholeSolo,” which Trump, in a brilliant act of Duchampian appropriation, copied and pasted.

North Korean Leader Kim Jong Un just stated that the “Nuclear Button is on his desk at all times.” Will someone from his depleted and food starved regime please inform him that I too have a Nuclear Button, but it is a much bigger & more powerful one than his, and my Button works!

“MY BUTTON WORKS”

2 JAN 2018 - 7:49 PM

MEDIUM: TWITTER FOR IPHONE

DIMENSIONS: 280 CHARACTERS

Created near the end of his “President of the United States” period’s first year, “My Button Works” was Trump’s response to a piece by the “bad boy” of North Korea’s Nuclear Realist school, Kim Jong-un. We watch in awe as Trump walks an atomic tightrope like it was a nonchalant stroll down a Tuesday morning fairway, first taunting the nuclear-armed Kim, and then showing his skill for fresh diplomatic thinking with his subtle use of the magic word “please.”

But there remains the central enigma. Trump seems to speak of a literal “Nuclear Button,” when as he and the rest of everyone knows, there is no such thing, and even if there were, its physical size would have nothing to do with anything. The result is a dreamy phantasmagoria so befuddling that, by tweet’s end, observers can no longer distinguish between madman and truth-teller, between thoughtless belligerence and canny statecraft, or between a global nuclear apocalypse and a giant dong competition.

Now that Russian collusion, after one year of intense study, has proven to be a total hoax on the American public, the Democrats and their lapdogs, the Fake News Mainstream Media, are taking out the old Ronald Reagan playbook and screaming mental stability and intelligence.....

....Actually, throughout my life, my two greatest assets have been mental stability and being, like, really smart. Crooked Hillary Clinton also played these cards very hard and, as everyone knows, went down in flames. I went from VERY successful businessman, to top T.V. Star.....

....to President of the United States (on my first try). I think that would qualify as not smart, but genius....and a very stable genius at that!

“VERY STABLE GENIUS”

6 JAN 2018 - 7:19 AM, 7:27 AM, 7:30 AM

MEDIUM: TWITTER FOR IPHONE

DIMENSIONS: 414 CHARACTERS

Among Western art’s proudest traditions is the psychologically probing self-portrait. We think of Van Gogh’s oils speaking deeper emotional truths than words ever could. We think of Rembrandt bearing humble witness to his, and our, tragic mortality. And now we think of Donald Trump, whose stunning Twitter triptych “Very Stable Genius” dared to express his truth, even when he had ample reason to think literally no one would believe him. Along with that 1970s hotel-bed bathrobe photo, it is Trump’s bravest work of self-exposure.

The work unfolds across three panels. The first comprises a brisk, classicist “hoax/lapdog/Fake News” dismissal narrative. Then Trump swivels to the cautionary tale of Crooked Hillary Clinton, whose impudent questioning of his, like, really smartness led to her fiery demise. The work now transfigures into almost pointillist autobiography, as powerful mogul metamorphosizes into world leader (on first try). But it is Trump’s third-panel conclusion that still amazes—a statement of self-identity so bold, so definitive, it has forever redefined the concepts of “stable,” and “genius,” and probably even “very.”

For further insight into the making of “Very Stable Genius,” please turn the page.

MASTERWORK WORKSHOP:

THE MAKING OF “VERY STABLE GENIUS”

Though Secret Service protocols prevent the direct examination of Trump’s brain as he writes a tweet, expert psycholinguists have here recreated the thought process behind one of the president’s most complex compositions. As you will see, what first appears to be an ungainly three-part rant about Russian collusion, media bias, and mental fitness is in actuality the product of 100 billion of the world’s best neurons making thousands of terrific micro-decisions.

HALL OF RETWEETS

"FOR IT IS NOT THOSE WHO COMMEND THEMSELVES WHO ARE APPROVED, BUT THOSE WHOM THE LORD COMMENDS." — 2 CORINTHIANS

It is indisputable that history will know Donald Trump mainly for his selflessness. A prime example was his generous use of Twitter’s “retweet” function. While his own tweets always garner the most praise, attention, and then more praise, Trump’s retweets often raise the voices of those whom society has, for some reason, tried really hard to silence.

JACK POSOBIEC

After days of absorbing unfair criticism of his claim that a white nationalist rally had “very fine people on both sides,” Trump takes to Twitter to show by retweeting that some folks liked his comments. Was the man Trump retweeted an accused supporter of white nationalists who had promoted the thoroughly debunked, objectively nutbag “Pizzagate” conspiracy theory? Sure, maybe, but the more important point is, the president probably didn’t know this, so what he did was fine.

So true Wayne, and Lowest black unemployment in history!

SANDY HOOK TRUTHER

The fact that this Trump retweet’s original author had called the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting a “hoax” has nothing to do with Mr. Trump, and on analysis it is really not a problem.

“@WhiteGenocideTM: @realDonaldTrump Poor Jeb. I could’ve sworn I saw him outside Trump Tower the other day! pic.twitter.com/e5uLRubqla“

TRUMP RETWEETS @WhiteGenocideTM

After this retweet, many desperate Trump haters tried to read something into the name of Twitter user @WhiteGenocideTM, but this seems like a stretch. In point of fact, Trump doing this was okay.

“@SeanSean252: @WayneDupreeShow @Rockprincess818 @CheriJacobus pic.twitter.com/5GUwhhtvyN“

FAKE BLACK/WHITE CRIME STATS

Ever the canny politician, Trump retweets a fictional organization’s made-up, widely debunked statistics that make his case for interracial fear and animosity better than accurate ones would have. Normal stuff that isn’t a big deal.

“@ilduce2016: “It is better to live one day as a lion than 100 years as a sheep.” – @realDonaldTrump #MakeAmericaGreatAgain”

MUSSOLINI QUOTE

When the fake news tried to shame Trump for retweeting a quote from Italian fascist leader/Hitler pal Benito Mussolini, Trump turned the tables, telling Sleepy Eyes Chuck Todd, “It was a very good quote. An interesting quote.” Pressed on whether he wanted to be associated with fascism, Trump replied, “I want to be associated with interesting quotes.” Checkmate, MSM. Plus, anyway, it was fine.

RT @TRUMPISM_45 @REALDONALDTRUMP WE WON. MOVE ON.

As this Twitter user noted, Donald Trump did win. Could Trump have found and retweeted this same point made by someone who hadn’t also claimed that Hillary Clinton had committed murder to cover up her other crimes? Why engage in hypotheticals? Besides, doing this was okay.

Since his 2015 Trump Tower escalator ride to destiny, the 45th president has had one main rallying cry: We have to build a wall. A simple promise from an extraordinarily simple man. The wall would be big. It would be strong. And Mexico would pay for it. Possibly “through reimbursement/other.”

Many called the idea preposterous, but President Trump literally did not know the meaning of that word. And the reality is, bit by bit, Donald Trump has built a wall. A wall so big and strong, it is impenetrable to criticism, logic, or reason. It is a Wall of Tweets.

BY THE

NUMBERS*

* All data as of 22 May 2018. Because at some point you just have to stop.

LONGEST TWITTER DROUGHT SINCE ELECTED

CONSECUTIVE

“!”

BIGGEST

LOSERS

FOX NEWS PERSONALITY

MENTIONS

FAMILY

TWEETS

MEDIA

MENTIONS

TOP

NICKNAMES

DISHONORABLE MENTIONS:

3: LITTLE ROCKET MAN, LITTLE MORTY ZUCKERMAN

2: DOPEY JON STEWART, ROCKET MAN, LYIN’ HILLARY, LIDDLE’ BOB CORKER, LOW RATINGS JOE SCARBOROUGH, LIDDLE’ ADAM SCHIFF, SLIPPERY JAMES COMEY, WACKY CONGRESSWOMAN WILSON, WACKY GLENN BECK, PELOSI/SCHUMER PUPPET JONES, CROOKED H FLUNKIE, WILD BILL, ANIMAL ASSAD

1: CHEATIN’ OBAMA, CRAZY JOE SCARBOROUGH, PSYCHO JOE, CRAZY MIKA, DUMB AS A ROCK MIKA, FAKE TEARS CHUCK SCHUMER, CRAZY JOE BIDEN, AL FRANKENSTEIN, JEFF FLAKE(Y), FLAKE JEFF FLAKE, CRAZY JIM ACOSTA, LEAKIN’ JAMES COMEY, LYING JAMES COMEY, SANCTIMONIOUS JAMES COMEY, SHADEY JAMES COMEY, SNEAKY DIANNE FEINSTEIN, CRYING GLENN BECK, FAILING GLENN BECK, DICKY DURBIN, SLEAZY ADAM SCHIFF, MR. MAGOO, MR. PEEPERS, DOPEY PRINCE, GOOFBALL ATHEIST PENN, SLOPPY MICHAEL MOORE

* REFERS TO BRITISH BILLIONAIRE AND BBC APPRENTICE HOST ALAN SUGAR

MOST

ATTACKED

NUMBER OF

WHITE SUPREMACISTS

RETWEETED

TWEETS

BY TIME OF DAY

SINCE BECOMING PRESIDENT

A.M.

P.M.

BAD VS. SAD

TWEET WITH FEWEST RETWEETS

“Enter the ‘Think Like A Champion’ signed book and keychain contest: http://www.trumpthinklikeachampion.com/contest/”

15 MAY 2009

TIFFANY VS. TIFFANY

TWEETS

PER YEAR

MOST MENTIONED

OF ALL TIME

BORING VS. INTERESTING

DACA VS. MAGA

STUPID VS. SMART

FEATURED COLLECTIONS

I’M THE BEST

LANDMARK ACHIEVEMENTS IN SELF-ESTEEM

Sorry losers and haters, but my I.Q. is one of the highest -and you all know it! Please don’t feel so stupid or insecure,it’s not your fault

I am the BEST builder, just look at what I’ve built. Hillary can’t build. Republican candidates can’t build. They don’t have a clue!

Isn’t it crazy, I’m worth billions of dollars, employ thousands of people, and get libeled by moron bloggers who can’t afford a suit! WILD.

I am the only one who can fix this. Very sad. Will not happen under my watch! #MakeAmericaGreatAgain

Many people have commented that my fragrance, “Success” is the best scent & lasts the longest. Try it & let me know what you think!

I will be the best by far in fighting terror. I’m the only one that was right from the beginning, & now Lyin’ Ted & others are copying me.

I started my business with very little and built it into a great company, with some of the best real estate assets in the World. Amazing!

Nobody beats me on National Security.

No-one has done more for people with disabilities than me. I have spent many millions of dollars to help out-and am happy to have done so!

I never fall for scams. I am the only person who immediately walked out of my ‘Ali G’ interview

I went to Wharton, made over $8 billion, employ thousands of people & get insulted by morons who can’t get enough of me on twitter...!

What my father really gave me is a good (great) brain, motivation and the benefit of his experience-unlike the haters and losers (lazy!).

I consider my health, stamina and strength one of my greatest assets. The world has watched me for many years and can so testify-great genes!

I played football and baseball, sorry, but said to be the best bball player in N.Y. State-ask coach Ted Dobias-said best he ever coached.

CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM

TRUMP TOWER’S LEAD REVIEWER SAVES AMERICA SOME TIME

The Emmys are sooooo boring! Terrible show. I’m going to watch football! I already know the winners. Good night.

I just saw the movie “Unbroken” -- very good except I thought the ending was weak, no retribution! And we complain about waterboarding.

Just tried watching Modern Family - written by a moron, really boring. Writer has the mind of a very dumb and backward child. Sorry Danny!

.@MRbelzer is a stone cold loser with no talent--why did they ever put him on “Law and Order?”

Django Unchained is the most racist movie I have ever seen, it sucked!

Jay Leno and his people are constantly calling me to go on his show. My answer is always no because his show sucks. They love my ratings!

While not at all presidential I must point out that the Sloppy Michael Moore Show on Broadway was a TOTAL BOMB and was forced to close. Sad!

This is the summer of box office bombs. Who is green lighting this garbage? The scripts are terrible.

LIKE A DOG

A JOURNEY INTO THE PRESIDENT’S FAVORITE SIMILE

.@DavidGregory got thrown off of TV by NBC, fired like a dog! Now he is on @CNN being nasty to me. Not nice!

Mitt Romney had his chance to beat a failed president but he choked like a dog. Now he calls me racist-but I am least racist person there is

Egypt is a total mess. We should have backed Mubarak instead of dropping him like a dog.

Michael Wolff is a total loser who made up stories in order to sell this really boring and untruthful book. He used Sloppy Steve Bannon, who cried when he got fired and begged for his job. Now Sloppy Steve has been dumped like a dog by almost everyone. Too bad!

.@GlennBeck got fired like a dog by #Fox. The Blaze is failing and he wanted to have me on his show. I said no - because he is irrelevant.

Obama called Reverend Wright his friend, counselor & great leader-- then dumped him like a dog!

Robert Pattinson should not take back Kristen Stewart. She cheated on him like a dog & will do it again-- just watch. He can do much better!

Union Leader refuses to comment as to why they were kicked out of the ABC News debate like a dog. For starters, try getting a new publisher!

HOLIDAY CHEER

TIDINGS OF COMFORT AND JOY, EVEN FOR THOSE WHO DON’T DESERVE IT

I wish everyone, including the haters and losers, a very happy Easter!

I would like to wish everyone, including all haters and losers (of which, sadly, there are many) a truly happy and enjoyable Memorial Day!

Happy Father’s Day to all, even the haters and losers!

Happy 4th of July to everyone, including the haters and losers!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING to everyone--I love you all, even my many enemies (sometimes!).

Happy New Year to all, including to my many enemies and those who have fought me and lost so badly they just don’t know what to do. Love!

WOW

A GROWN MAN’S UNCANNILY CHILDLIKE SENSE OF WONDER

Wow—Family Feud said I am the third most envied man in America. I respectfully disagree—I am very modest.

Wow, Vanity Fair was totally shut out at the National Magazine Awards - it got NOTHING. Graydon Carter is a loser with bad food restaurants!

Wow! Does Eliot Spitzer have a girlfriend? This is getting exciting.

Wow, the ratings are in and Arnold Schwarzenegger got “swamped” (or destroyed) by comparison to the ratings machine, DJT. So much for....

Wow, the economy is really bad! GROSS DOMESTIC PRODUCT down 0.7% in 1st. quarter - and getting worse. I TOLD YOU SO! Only I can fix.

Wow, so many Fake News stories today. No matter what I do or say, they will not write or speak truth. The Fake News Media is out of control

Wow, I’m at 2,200,000 followers but I’d love to get rid of the haters & losers—they’re such a waste of time!

Wow, Lyin’ Ted Cruz really went wacko today. Made all sorts of crazy charges. Can’t function under pressure - not very presidential. Sad!

WOW! I just heard that the previously unknown singer Mac Miller has received over 67 million hits on his song “Donald Trump.”

BIRTHER OF A NATION

SHORT-FORM DEMANDS FOR A LONG-FORM CERTIFICATE

An ‘extremely credible source’ has called my office and told me that @BarackObama’s birth certificate is a fraud.

Let’s take a closer look at that birth certificate. @BarackObama was described in 2003 as being “born in Kenya.”

Made in America? @BarackObama called his ‘birthplace’ Hawaii “here in Asia.”

Why do the Republicans keep apologizing on the so called “birther” issue? No more apologies--take the offensive!

I want to see @BarackObama’s college records to see how he listed his place of birth in the application.

What a coincidence--Michelle Obama called Kenya @BarackObama’s “homeland” in 2008

How amazing, the State Health Director who verified copies of Obama’s “birth certificate” died in plane crash today. All others lived

As I always said, the “Birthers” were after the truth. Thanks to @RealSheriffJoe @BarackObama can’t hide anymore.

Read this--@BarackObama’s birth certificate “cannot survive judicial scrutiny” because of “phantom numbers”

With @BarackObama listing himself as “Born in Kenya” in 1999http://bit.ly/JaHQW0 HI laws allowed him to produce a fake certificate. #SCAM

Why are people upset w/ me over Pres Obama’s birth certificate?I got him to release it, or whatever it was, when nobody else could!

When I was 18, people called me Donald Trump. When he was 18, @BarackObama was Barry Soweto. Weird.

Why does HI Revised Statute 338-17.8 allow an HI resident who doesn’t have to be US citizen to procure an official Hawaii birth certificate?

Made in America? @BarackObama argues that his long form birth certificate is irrelevant in court.

ObamaCare is a disaster and Snowden is a spy who should be executed-but if it and he could reveal Obama’s records,I might become a major fan

“If you like your healthcare plan you can keep it.” = “I was born in Hawaii.”

Wake Up America! See article: “Israeli Science: Obama Birth Certificate is a Fake”

Attention all hackers: You are hacking everything else so please hack Obama’s college records (destroyed?) and check “place of birth”

Why would @BarackObama be spending millions of dollars to hide his records if there was nothing to hide?

Why won’t Obama release his college applications? Is there something ‘foreign’ about them?

ENIGMAS OF MAGA

TWEETS THAT MAKE YOU GO “HMMMM”

Good.morning, I’m going to work!

The young intern who accidentally did a Retweet apologizes.

Why is this reporter touching me as I leave news conference? What is in her hand??

Something very important, and indeed society changing, may come out of the Ebola epidemic that will be a very good thing: NO SHAKING HANDS!

Sorry folks, I’m just not a fan of sharks - and don’t worry, they will be around long after we are gone.

I don’t like seeing the Pope standing at the checkout counter (front desk) of a hotel in order to pay his bill. It’s not Pope-like!

We know who did the hoax of James Gandolfini and ObamaCare. Be careful, Mister.

I like Michael Douglas!

TRUMPSTRADAMUS

Gaze into the crystal ball as Donald Trump tweets his predictions of the future! Was he right or was he wrong? HINT: He was right.

Mexico will pay for the wall!

RIGHT!

There is no wall, so technically, Mexico has covered all costs to date.

Love making correct predictions. National Review is over. http://theweek.com/articles/451963/national- ...review-doomed

RIGHT!

This quote about the very much still-in-publication National Review is out of context. The president was of course saying, “The National Review is over . . . there on the newsstand.” If Twitter had given him the extra characters he needed, you wouldn’t have made that mistake.

Everyone should calm down. @BenAffleck is going to do a great job as Batman.

RIGHT!

Affleck’s Batman did a great job introducing Wonder Woman, whom everyone loves.

I predicted Apple’s stock fall based on their dumb refusal to give the option of a larger iPhone scren like Samsung. I sold my Apple stock

RIGHT!

This was a bold financial decision. By selling his Apple stock in early 2014, just before it more than doubled in value, Donald Trump avoided costly capital gains taxes. Plus, Apple did eventually take Mr. Trump’s advice and offer a larger screen like Samsung. So you’re welcome.

Eventually, but at a later date so we can get started early, Mexico will be paying, in some form, for the badly needed border wall.

ENOUGH ALREADY.

Of course Mexico will pay for the wall. The president has a comprehensive plan to confiscate all abandoned climbing and digging equipment used by Mexicans after they’ve gotten past the wall, and then sell those items on eBay to other Mexicans. We’re actually billing them twice.

THE JUMP TO 280

DOUBLING THE TREMENDOUSNESS

On November 7, 2017, a year after Trump’s presidential victory, which many very bright people say was one of the biggest ever, Twitter made the medium-redefining decision to double its per-tweet character limit from 140 to 280. Among Trump Twitter cognoscenti, the move was as historic as it was divisive.

Below are two Trump tweets on the same topic, and two diverging arguments as to which is the superior. Remember, the debate on “140 v. 280” is like a Trump White House press conference: There are no “right answers” here.

Watched Saturday Night Live hit job on me.Time to retire the boring and unfunny show. Alec Baldwin portrayal stinks. Media rigging election!

Alec Baldwin, whose dying mediocre career was saved by his terrible impersonation of me on SNL, now says playing me was agony. Alec, it was agony for those who were forced to watch. Bring back Darrell Hammond, funnier and a far greater talent!

THE “SHORT” ERA

Here we see how Twitter’s original limits actually enhanced Trump’s creativity—particularly when he focused on a deserving target (in this case, NPR leftist and former chest-hair exhibitionist Alec Baldwin). The tighter tweet’s concision says to Baldwin: “Your existence merits neither my full attention nor my terrific energy.” And yet in just 23 remaining characters, Trump still packs in a corrosive three-word democracy-delegitimizing conspiracy theory. If, as the very overrated William Shakespeare said, “Brevity is the soul of wit,” then at 140 characters, Trump’s soul thrives.

THE “LONG” ERA

No contest—only the 280-era Baldwin dispatch truly shows the time, effort, and thought that a sitting U.S. president devoted to harassing a mid-career actor. Where in the shorter format Baldwin merely “stinks,” the more capacious parameters allow for compelling detailed descriptions of how Trump views his adversary: “dying,” “mediocre,” “terrible,” worse than “Darrell Hammond.” And while some feared that longer tweeting might seduce Trump into greater clarity, tweets like this put such concerns to rest. “Agony for those who were forced to watch”? Who conceivably was “forced” to watch Saturday Night Live? Even with 37 characters to spare, Trump leaves the answer alluringly unknown.

How low has President Obama gone to tapp my phones during the very sacred election process. This is Nixon/Watergate. Bad (or sick) guy!

“PHONE TAPP”

4 MARCH 2017 - 7:02 AM

MEDIUM: TWITTER FOR ANDROID

DIMENSIONS: 135 CHARACTERS

“Phone Tapp” introduces itself to the observer with its titular “error,” the typographic jazz of “tapp.” But just as introductions blossom into deeper conversations, Trump’s true intent soon unfolds like an orchid blossoming from swamp water. Trump frames the sacred and the bad (or sick) as twin ends of the lever, resting upon the playfully self-aware fulcrum of “Nixon/Watergate.” Built upon such a chaotic frame, is the minor typographic defect bad? Sick? Or does the sick, conversely, become sacred?

Peoples lives are being shattered and destroyed by a mere allegation. Some are true and some are false. Some are old and some are new. There is no recovery for someone falsely accused - life and career are gone. Is there no such thing any longer as Due Process?

“DUE PROCESS”

10 FEB 2018 - 10:33 AM

MEDIUM: TWITTER FOR IPHONE

DIMENSIONS: 264 CHARACTERS

Rendered amidst a worldwide movement based on believing women, “Due Process” bravely asks: “What if they’re liars?” Infused with a lyrical, neo-Seussian rhythm, the work is a master class in contrast: True versus false. Old versus new. Due Process versus Trump’s spectral desire to jail Hillary and the Central Park Five. Then, in a summary flourish, Trump ends on a question he has already answered. It’s a tender eulogy to the countless fallen, like former White House Staff Secretary Rob Porter, whose life was destroyed simply because two ex-wives and an ex-girlfriend accused him of domestic violence, with merely one of them providing photographic evidence.

WITCH HUNT!

“WITCH HUNT”

27 FEB 2018 - 7:49 AM

MEDIUM: TWITTER FOR ANDROID

DIMENSIONS: 11 CHARACTERS

Composed just weeks after Twitter raised its limit from 140 to 280 characters, “Witch Hunt” rejected the new format in a terse, forceful 11—both a milestone formal achievement and an act of radical empathy. It is among Trump’s greatest statements.

Here we see Trump’s deep identification with, and compassion for, the oppression that women have suffered throughout history—for he, too, is being rashly victimized. With a mere two words, Trump rewrites Robert Mueller’s failing hoax investigation as the contemptible descendant of Colonial America’s greatest historical shame, when scores of seventeenth-century women were murdered for practicing witchcraft, despite there being only one real witch at that time: Hillary Clinton. (Look her up.)

The “Witch Hunt” theme is one to which the president would almost compulsively return (cf. March 19’s “Total WITCH HUNT,” April 10’s “TOTAL WITCH HUNT!!!,” April 22’s ”Complete Witch Hunt!,” May 23’s “WITCH HUNT!,” etc.)—as though Trump felt that actually, he was possessed, and exorcism could be had only through relentless tweeting.

I heard poorly rated @Morning_Joe speaks badly of me (don’t watch anymore). Then how come low I.Q. Crazy Mika, along with Psycho Joe, came..

...to Mar-a-Lago 3 nights in a row around New Year’s Eve, and insisted on joining me. She was bleeding badly from a face-lift. I said no!

“BLEEDING BADLY”

29 JUNE 2017 - 8:52 AM, 8:58 AM

MEDIUM: TWITTER FOR IPHONE

DIMENSIONS: 140 CHARACTERS, 137 CHARACTERS

After six months of relative post-inauguration restraint, one can feel the pent-up energy in this mid-2017 pairing, in which Trump returns to his central themes: media bias (rampant), victimhood (his own), and, most important, female appearance (disgusting). Starting with a bracing shot of paradoxical surrealism (insisting he does not watch the TV show that he is live-tweeting), Trump then transports his audience to New Year’s Eve at Mar-a-Lago—an elite institution now democratized for the reader, but never for the thrice-rejected Psycho Joe and Crazy Mika. The latter, of course, is the work’s true subject: a figure to be both pitied and feared, her fictitiously “bleeding” face embodying both dishonest media artifice and Trump’s lifelong phobia of menstruation and women generally.

WAR AND TWEETS: THE REAL RUSSIA INVESTIGATION

From the moment Trump scored his huge electoral victory, which many are saying was the biggest they’ve ever seen, the so-called Russia “investigation” became the mainstream media’s obsession. Its incessant “reporting” pushed Fake News “facts” like “Trump campaign officials pleading guilty” and “dead-to-rights collusion emails” from Trump’s alleged “son.” So the task of uncovering the truth fell to the president.

The real 2016 election scandal was the Deep State posing as the entire U.S. intelligence community in a devious and desperate effort to frame Trump for colluding with Russia—when there was No Collusion, which isn’t even a crime, and the one who committed it was Hillary.

The trail of corruption was so clear. It led straight from James Comey through Loretta Lynch and Bill Clinton, plus DOJ’s Sally Yates and FBI’s Peter Strzok, on past an acronymia of intel agencies, then circling back to the Democratic Party, John Podesta, his brother, and from there pretty much directly, with a few other details, basically straight to Christopher “phony dossier” Steele. Then, to even more super-illegally prevent Trump from winning, add Spying on his Campaign by Obama’s FBI, which for extra deviousness neither released nor acted on its Spy findings until after Trump had won.

The final puzzle piece would prove to be Robert Mueller, a hardened Democrat so anti-Trump that, just to seem impartial, he had been a registered Republican for fifty years.

COURTER’S LAST STAND

For more than two centuries, the American judicial system stood as the bedrock of democracy. But it would be no match for the Twitter onslaught of Donald Trump. With his brutally effective deployment of unconventional punctuation and “scare quotes,” Trump proved he could easily vanquish “so-called judges” on the field of Twitter, even if the judges happened to sometimes win in so-called “courtrooms.”

I hope the Mexican judge is more honest than the Mexican businessmen who used the court system to avoid paying me the money they owe me.

I should have easily won the Trump University case on summary judgement but have a judge, Gonzalo Curiel, who is totally biased against me.

The opinion of this so-called judge, which essentially takes law-enforcement away from our country, is ridiculous and will be overturned!

Because the ban was lifted by a judge, many very bad and dangerous people may be pouring into our country. A terrible decision

Just cannot believe a judge would put our country in such peril. If something happens blame him and court system. People pouring in. Bad!

SEE YOU IN COURT, THE SECURITY OF OUR NATION IS AT STAKE!

First the Ninth Circuit rules against the ban & now it hits again on sanctuary cities-both ridiculous rulings. See you in the Supreme Court!

GLOBAL WARRING

Men can battle men, but only those who aspire to immortality, like Donald Trump, have the courage to take on the sky and air. In his war against the concept of climate change, Trump showed that massive barrages of peer-reviewed scientific research are no match for skillfully targeted tweets about occasional cold winter days.

The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive.

It’s snowing & freezing in NYC. What the hell ever happened to global warming?

It’s 46º (really cold) and snowing in New York on Memorial Day - tell the so-called “scientists” that we want global warming right now!

Ice storm rolls from Texas to Tennessee - I’m in Los Angeles and it’s freezing. Global warming is a total, and very expensive, hoax!

This very expensive GLOBAL WARMING bullshit has got to stop. Our planet is freezing, record low temps,and our GW scientists are stuck in ice

It’s late in July and it is really cold outside in New York. Where the hell is GLOBAL WARMING??? We need some fast! It’s now CLIMATE CHANGE

It’s really cold outside, they are calling it a major freeze, weeks ahead of normal. Man, we could use a big fat dose of global warming!

In the East, it could be the COLDEST New Year’s Eve on record. Perhaps we could use a little bit of that good old Global Warming that our Country, but not other countries, was going to pay TRILLIONS OF DOLLARS to protect against. Bundle up!

THE BATTLE OF K-PATZ

As a Twitter superpower, Donald Trump sometimes found himself forced to take sides in conflicts he seemingly had nothing to do with. Trump’s greatest intervention was in the 2012 battle between actor Robert Pattinson and his Twilight co-star Kristen Stewart. When Pattinson made the risky decision to forgive Stewart for cheating on him, the future President of the United States knew he had no choice but to take up arms, even where a less-confident leader might have considered the personal lives of two twentysomething screen actors none of his business.

Robert Pattinson should not take back Kristen Stewart. She cheated on him like a dog & will do it again-- just watch. He can do much better!

Lots of response to my Pattinson/Kristen Stewart reunion. She will cheat again--100 certain--am I ever wrong?

Robert I’m getting a lot of heat for saying you should dump Kristen- but I’m right. If you saw the Miss Universe girls you would reconsider.

So many tweets & stories on Stewart/Pattinson Look, it doesn’t matter-- the relationship will never be the same. It is permanently broken.

Everyone knows I am right that Robert Pattinson should dump Kristen Stewart. In a couple of years, he will thank me. Be smart, Robert.

Everyone is asking me to speak more on Robert & Kristen.I don’t have time except to say “Robert, drop her, she cheated on you & will again!”

Miss Universe 2012 Pageant will be airing live on @nbc & @Telemundo december 19th. Open invite stands for Robert Pattinson.

Robert Pattinson is putting on a good face for the release of Twilight. He took my advice on Kristen Stewart...I hope!

After Friday’s Twilight release, I hope Robert Pattinson will not be seen in public with Kristen--she will cheat on him again!

THE PROBLEM WITH THOSE PEOPLE

Historically, the fields of professional American sports were tended by true patriots: Ruth, Mantle, Stockton, Havlicek, all the hockey guys . . . the list goes on. But in recent years a shadow fell over sports, as a small but vocal (not to say “mouthy”) minority of belligerent, overpaid athletes tried to bring the nation to its knees. Yet these ungrateful sportsters were no match for America’s Twitter Quarterback, number 45, Donald Trump. No longer would this particular group of degenerate jocks leave their black mark on America.

Going to the White House is considered a great honor for a championship team.Stephen Curry is hesitating,therefore invitation is withdrawn!

Marshawn Lynch of the NFL’s Oakland Raiders stands for the Mexican Anthem and sits down to boos for our National Anthem. Great disrespect! Next time NFL should suspend him for remainder of season. Attendance and ratings way down.

It wasn’t the White House, it wasn’t the State Department, it wasn’t father LaVar’s so-called people on the ground in China that got his son out of a long term prison sentence - IT WAS ME. Too bad! LaVar is just a poor man’s version of Don King, but without the hair. Just think..

...LaVar, you could have spent the next 5 to 10 years during Thanksgiving with your son in China, but no NBA contract to support you. But remember LaVar, shoplifting is NOT a little thing. It’s a really big deal, especially in China. Ungrateful fool!

At least 24 players kneeling this weekend at NFL stadiums that are now having a very hard time filling up. The American public is fed up with the disrespect the NFL is paying to our Country, our Flag and our National Anthem. Weak and out of control!

Do you think the three UCLA Basketball Players will say thank you President Trump? They were headed for 10 years in jail!

VERIFIED SURVIVORS

HOW DOES IT FEEL TO ENDURE A TWITTER ASSAULT FROM THE MASTER HIMSELF? SOME OF DONALD TRUMP’S HAPLESS TARGETS SHARE THEIR STORIES.

The president lied. Shocking but true. He called me far more often, and never once did I call him and he didn’t return my call or get back to me in some manner. The more fun part though was that he said I wasn’t smart. I probably spent a good thirty minutes hashing through and typing and then erasing and trying to come up with something witty and smart and cute that made the point that this was ridiculous and also that you’re a fool. And so after multiple iterations of how I would respond to the president’s tweet, I decided to go with “LOL.”

—MARK CUBAN

I know Mark Cuban well. He backed me big-time but I wasn’t interested in taking all of his calls. He’s not smart enough to run for president!

My social media bad habit was trolling Donald Trump on Twitter. I tweeted at him about declaring bankruptcy four times. A few hours later he tweeted, “Why does a network allow a stupid racist like Toure . . .” (see above). I don’t know what that reason is, but okay. I wrote: “Is it weird that you can have so much money but still can’t afford dignity?” After that day, Trump blocked me.

—TOURÉ

@Toure If you weren’t such a dumb racist moron with bad ratings you would know I never filed for bankruptcy,now worth over $10 billion dummy

@Toure Dumb as a rock Toure doesn’t have a clue about money or anything else-merely a simpleton racist. Really bad ratings,really stupid guy

@Toure Why does a network allow a stupid racist like Toure to stay on the air when his ratings are so abysmal! Can there be only one reason

On the morning that President Trump decided to tweet at me, I was in bible study and I got a call from my chief of staff, who read me the tweet. It was nothing more than a sexist smear intended to silence me. It was intended to silence over a dozen women who have credible assault and harassment allegations against Donald Trump, and the millions of women who have been protesting and marching ever since he became president. I went back to bible study and my colleagues said, “What was that about?” I said, “Well, the president just tweeted at me and basically called me a prostitute.” Sadly, I’m in company with so many other women, but at the end of the day, the president will not silence any of us.

—SEN. KIRSTEN GILLIBRAND

Lightweight Senator Kirsten Gillibrand, a total flunky for Chuck Schumer and someone who would come to my office “begging” for campaign contributions not so long ago (and would do anything for them), is now in the ring fighting against Trump. Very disloyal to Bill & Crooked-USED!

I don’t really have a clear memory of when he attacked me with this tweet in 2012, because at the time he was just a grumpy misogynist and cable news addict who woke up early to spew his hate on Twitter. Now, not much has changed, except that grumpy misogynist spewing hate on Twitter is president. Despite all of his despicable actions, I would never say this country is going to hell. As for Trump himself, well, you’ll have to be the judge of that.

—REP. DEBBIE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ

Debbie Wasserman Schultz is hard to watch or listen to--no wonder our country is going to hell!

Well, it happened. I’m Stephen King and Trump blocked me. I can no longer receive his thoughtful and incisive messages of love and inclusiveness. In short, I am an existential loser, waiting for Trump instead of Godot. I am, ladies and gentlemen, a Trump-less American.

—STEPHEN KING

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/arts-and-entertainment/wp/2017/06/13/trump-blocked-stephenking-on-twitter-but-j-k-rowling-came-to-the-rescue/?utm_term=.29046f1c4357

I used to think that his tweet about my nipples was one of the weirdest things I’d ever seen, but that pales on the weirdness scale compared to any week of the Trump administration. I was disappointed that he was, in effect, making fun of my weight, which I agree, had gone up, because I am a nervous eater and get fatter under stress. I would have thought that he understood that, because it is clear today, as he gets bigger and bigger because of the stress of his presidency, that he would be sympathetic to that. In fact, it seems to be legitimate to talk about his weight, not just because he’s commented so freely on others, but because I am convinced it is an indicator of just how unhappy he is.

—FORMER REP. BARNEY FRANK

Barney Frank looked disgusting--nipples protruding--in his blue shirt before Congress. Very very disrespectful.

No, Donald Trump, this is not racism at its highest level. Slavery is racism at its highest level. The Holocaust is racism at its highest level. This is just the name of a television show. And that show, Whiteish, is called Friends—you know that show has already been made.

—KENYA BARRIS

How is ABC Television allowed to have a show entitled “Blackish”? Can you imagine the furor of a show, “Whiteish”! Racism at highest level?

When I reflect on this moment, my biggest regret is that he didn’t give me a fun nickname. His tweet was just “Kathy Griffin.” No “Unfunny Kathy” or “Ginger Kathy” or “Disgusting Kathy” or “Kooky Kathy.” Just . . . Kathy. I’m sorry, I just really wanted an extra adjective, you know?

—KATHY GRIFFIN

Kathy Griffin should be ashamed of herself. My children, especially my 11 year old son, Barron, are having a hard time with this. Sick!

Donald, every time I read your tweets and hear you on the TV, I struggle not to say the F word. I apologized once. I fucking regret it. You will be hearing from me every day until you leave office, so you better get used to it.

—FMR. MEXICAN PRES. VICENTE FOX

FMR PRES of Mexico, Vicente Fox horribly used the F word when discussing the wall. He must apologize! If I did that there would be a uproar!

Former President Vicente Fox, who is railing against my visit to Mexico today, also invited me when he apologized for using the “f bomb.”

MELANIA TRUMP: TRYING TO HELP

The First Lady plays an important role in any presidency, and this was certainly true in the Trump Twitter Administration. Melania Trump took on a quintessentially twenty-first-century crusade: to end cyberbullying.

The phenomenon is well-known. Friendless losers with pitiable domination fantasies hide behind the safety of the screen to pick fights with people they would never have the courage to take on in real life, using personal attacks, threats of physical violence, and really dumb nicknames in a vain attempt to soothe their own insatiable insecurities. Sad.

The following is just a sampling of the pandemic vulgarity that Mrs. Trump worked so hard to combat.

NOTE: We have redacted the below perpetrators’ identities, in the hope that they will change their ways in the future and not be forever linked to these regrettable tweets.

@michellemalkin You were born stupid!

I can’t resist hitting lightweight @DannyZuker verbally when he starts up because he is just.so pathetic and easy (stupid)!

Crazy Joe Biden is trying to act like a tough guy. Actually, he is weak, both mentally and physically, and yet he threatens me, for the second time, with physical assault. He doesn’t know me, but he would go down fast and hard, crying all the way. Don’t threaten people Joe!

Finally, Liddle’ Adam Schiff, the leakin’ monster of no control, is now blaming the Obama Administration for Russian meddling in the 2016 Election. He is finally right about something. Obama was President, knew of the threat, and did nothing. Thank you Adam!

Does anybody like Lyin’ Ted? https://www.instagram.com/p/BDqwFr_GhZJ/

Some day, when things calm down, I’ll tell the real story of @JoeNBC and his very insecure long-time girlfriend, @morningmika. Two clowns!

Why would Kim Jong-un insult me by calling me “old,” when I would NEVER call him “short and fat?” Oh well, I try so hard to be his friend - and maybe someday that will happen!

I feel sorry for Rosie ‘s new partner in love whose parents are devastated at the thought of their daughter being with @Rosie--a true loser.

@mcuban is very short off the tee - and his basketball sucks also!

I promise you that I’m much smarter than Jonathan Leibowitz - I mean Jon Stewart @TheDailyShow. Who, by the way, is totally overrated.

In addition to winning the Electoral College in a landslide, I won the popular vote if you deduct the millions of people who voted illegally

“ILLEGAL VOTERS”

27 NOV 2016 - 3:30 PM

MEDIUM: TWITTER FOR ANDROID

DIMENSIONS: 140 CHARACTERS

What is reality? That—and nothing less—is the question so urgently posed by “Illegal Voters,” the first undisputed masterpiece of Trump’s controversial “President of the United States” period.

Here, concision masks a deceptively sophisticated structure. Trump first affirms conventional “facts” by citing his universally acknowledged electoral college victory. But already the trickster is tipping his hand: Note the sly subversion of “landslide” from its usual meaning to the exact opposite of that. This syntactic “error” quickly reveals itself as a rhetorical cliff’s edge, off which Trump gleefully dives into an almost psychedelic fantasy world where he also won the popular vote, according to a hypothetical (“if you deduct the millions . . .”) based on a known falsehood (about widespread voter fraud).

Tasting freedom as though for the first time, Trump builds his White House castle not just on sand, but imaginary sand. The viewer is left to ponder “Illegal Voters”’ destabilizing effect on the world’s oldest democracy, nurse a migraine, and perhaps answer emails from the very real Commission on Voter Fraud, whose multi-million-dollar, eight-month, results-less inquiry this tweet necessitated.

Every time I speak of the haters and losers I do so with great love and affection. They cannot help the fact that they were born fucked up!

“BORN FUCKED UP”

28 SEP 2014 - 8:21 PM

MEDIUM: TWITTER FOR ANDROID

DIMENSIONS: 139 CHARACTERS

Arch, gratuitously profane, and clearly self-aware—okay, actually, this one’s pretty funny. The man didn’t become president for no reason. In 2014’s “Born Fucked Up” we come across some of the Trumpiverse’s most familiar characters—the “haters and losers”—to find that the Master of Fifth Avenue has compassionately reimagined what exactly their real problem is. A lesser man would attack such pathetic lowlife flecks of subhuman garbage, but Trump offers the scumbag degenerates only “love and affection,” because that’s how classy people handle jerks whose souls are bad.

Are you allowed to impeach a president for gross incompetence?

“IMPEACH FOR GROSS INCOMPETENCE”

4 JUN 2014 - 6:23 AM

MEDIUM: TWITTER FOR ANDROID

DIMENSIONS: 62 CHARACTERS

Heralded as one of private citizen Trump’s most provocative works, “Impeach for Gross Incompetence” found initial inspiration in President Barack Obama’s 2014 deal to repatriate a captured American soldier. The tweet’s elevation to Masterwork status, though, stems from how it has stood the test of time. What first appeared to be a tossed-off reaction to a minor news item has turned out to be a question for the ages, its doleful plea echoing ever stronger. “Are you allowed to impeach a president for gross incompetence?” Well, are you? ARE YOU? The world awaits the answer.

I had to fire General Flynn because he lied to the Vice President and the FBI. He has pled guilty to those lies. It is a shame because his actions during the transition were lawful. There was nothing to hide!

FORGERY ALERT “NOTHING TO HIDE”

2 DEC 2017 - 12:14 PM

MEDIUM: TWITTER FOR IPHONE

DIMENSIONS: 209 CHARACTERS

“Nothing To Hide” is a forgery, representing the only time, ever, that anyone other than the real Donald Trump has tweeted from the @realDonaldTrump account. We display it at the Trump Presidential Twitter Library as a reminder and a warning: Even the realest news can sometimes be fake.

Understanding this faux-Trump’s origins is complicated, requiring deep knowledge of the phony Russia hoax that Democrats invented as an excuse for losing the election (which they did, big-time). The tale begins in February 2017, when President Trump says that he has fired General Flynn for lying to Vice President Pence about his (Flynn’s) contacts with Russia. “I hope you can let this go,” Trump reportedly tells FBI Director James Comey, who is investigating Flynn.

In this December 2017 tweet, however, Trump appears to say something different: that he fired Flynn not just for lying to the vice president—which is not a crime—but also for lying to the FBI—which is a crime. That would mean that Trump knew Flynn had broken the law when he told Comey to “let this go.” And that could mean that “Nothing to Hide” would amount to Trump making an out-of-the-blue confession to obstruction of justice. Which would be truly insane.

Fortunately, Trump could not possibly have written the tweet, for one inarguable reason: His lawyer said he didn’t.

Shortly after the Fake News obstruction argument emerged, Mr. Trump’s personal attorney John Dowd stepped up to confess the truth. He had secretly taken over the account and written “Nothing to Hide” himself, in a passionate fit of forgetting every lawyer thing he ever knew.

The lesson: When authenticating social media works, we must judge the facts, and not merely how convenient and credulity-straining it seems that a lawyer on the president’s personal payroll would access that president’s Twitter account and tweet out this one thing, but never anything else. Let’s move on.

11 MINUTES

It was only 11 minutes, but that was all it took to shatter a nation. On November 2, 2017, at 6:49 P.M., ET, President Trump’s Twitter account vanished.

The day had begun like any other. In our nation’s capital, citizens walked briskly across the Mall, their collars pulled up against the cold autumn wind as they gazed into a pale blue sky. We assume it was pale and blue. We couldn’t really figure out how to google what the weather was like that day. But the probable seasonally appropriate chill in the air mirrored a greater chill to come. As the news spread around the world, disbelief turned to confusion, then shock, then dinner. By the time @realDonaldTrump was reactivated at 7:00 P.M., a disoriented America had stumbled untethered to its president for the better part of a quarter-hour.

We will never know for sure who or what caused Trump’s account to go dark. One theory holds that a departing Twitter employee shut it down on his last day at work, since multiple sources identified him and he confirmed the story himself. But others suggest that we must look deeper, to man’s aeons-old impulse to seek comfort in the shadows of ignorance. In this interpretation, we all are guilty, both in a moral sense and under all applicable state and federal laws.

The lasting tragedy of the Great Deactivation is that we will never know the damage’s true extent. What tweetable thoughts crossed Donald Trump’s mind? What transformative ideas or hot, fresh insults might have changed the course of world affairs? That wisdom is lost forever, because the sad fact is, during those terrible 11 minutes, Trump could compose no tweets. None. #NoneEleven.

YOU TOO CAN BE A PART OF HISTORY

Long after publication of this volume, Donald Trump will keep making Twitter great again. Please paste the best of his later work into the beautiful frames on these pages.

Unlimited additional empty frames are available for free with purchase of more copies of this book.

ON THE COVER

TRUMP CROSSING THE DELAWARE

This iconic American masterpiece, painted in oil by Donald Trump himself, depicts his most loyal advisers following his detailed orders as they row across a river of liberal tears. As in life, Trump has surrounded himself with a diverse staff of loyal white people, each believing that he or she is the grownup keeping the boat from sinking.

Vice President Mike Pence and Chief of Staff John Kelly are shown frantically trying to dislodge ice while the president ignores Kelly and stomps squarely on Pence’s testicles. At the bow sits Trump’s daughter Ivanka, always nearby so the president can indulge in a long, non-creepy stare. Jeff Sessions, whom the president clearly regrets bringing, is tasked with helping son-in-law Jared Kushner keep the American Flag warm. The foreign policy team—Bolton, Mattis, Pompeo—huddle astern, envious that adviser Stephen Miller somehow gets to hold the rudder. Records are unclear as to how Kellyanne Conway stuck around through so many revisions to the painting, but she’s still there and that’s worth something. Sarah Huckabee Sanders, meanwhile, has never been happier.

Modern X-ray analysis has revealed that an earlier version of the work showed Vladimir Putin in the water, shirtless and single-handedly tugging the boat wherever he wants it to go, but this was later covered up.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

The editors would like to thank everyone at Spiegel & Grau for their enthusiasm, flexibility, and support, especially Evan Camfield, Annie Chagnot, Richard Elman, Matthew Martin, Greg Mollica, Simon Sullivan, and the amazing Julie Grau.

Big-league thanks also to Comedy Central for its help not only with getting this book done, but also with the physical Library itself. Specifically: Steve Albani, Emily Albertson, Kent Alterman, Joe Babbino, Sarah Babineau, Aileen Budow, Matt Conte, Jonah Delso, Nina Di Leo, Yvette Encarnacion, Kathy Fusco, Mike Gelsomino, Tanya Giles, Akash Goyal, Matt Herrlett, Deborah Lake, Eve Kenny, Josh Line, Renata Luczak, Wanda McSwain, Ari Pearce, Steve Raizes, Megan Ring, Lane Savage, Chris Scarlata, Chiara Seward, Shawn Silverman, Michael Stanger, Matt Silvestri, Cynthia Thomas, Andrea Torres, Julie Verardi, Adam Wactlar, and Amanda Wolfe. A special shout-out for the all-nighters pulled by designers Angelina Battista, Paulina Niewinska, Erin Smith, and the tireless Donna Tine.

The IRL exhibit was realized by Pop2Life with the extraordinary vision and talent of Jeff Bardin, Seth Bellaff, Anthony “Dob” Dobrini, Jen Gotti, and Alicia Haberman.

The entire Library project couldn’t have happened without The Daily Show with Trevor Noah’s top-flight staff. We’d like to thank Kaitlin Alm, Stacey Angeles, Russ Armstrong, Nick Bailey, Ian Berger, Juan Boria, Eric Bowron, Chris Brown, Max Browning, Kristen Bunk, Vilma Cardenas, Kashana Cauley, Justin Chabot, Ronny Chieng, Mike Choi, Franco Coello, Amir Combs, Lisa Cortez, Eliza Cossio, LaToia Cunningham, Eric Davies, Pam DePace, Sebastian DiNatale, Jimmy Donn, Tom Dowling, Justine Elena, Maia Erickson, Tom Favilla, Christy Fiero, Graham Frazier, Sean Gallagher, GDBA, George Gountas, Jeff Gussow, Hallie Haglund, Sarah Hamblin, Lorenzo Hansford, Camille Hebert, Scott Hercman, Kira Klang Hopf, Sebastian Ischer, Nik Johnson, Jessie Kanevsky, Jill Katz, David Kibuuka, Jordan Klepper, Michael Kosta, Madeleine Kuhns, Christina Kyriazis, Devin Leary, Tim Lester, Susan Locke-Shapiro, John Lott, Angelo Lozada, Desi Lydic, Allison MacDonald, Christiana Mbakwe, Dennis McMahon, Justin Melkmann, David Paul Meyer, Ryan Middleton, Hasan Minhaj, Jody Morlock, Afeef Nessouli, Chuck O’Neil, RJ Osterhoudt, Mark Paone, Owen Parsons, Christina Pelletiere, Felipe Pena, Paul Pennolino, Ryan Phillips, Matt Polidoro, Lindsay Quella, Tim Quigley, Brittany Radocha, Paul Ranieri, Chris Rose, Phil Salanto, Mike Schmehl, Enid Seymore, Erin Shannon, Dulcé Sloan, Patty Smith, Craig Spinney, Brandon Stefanowitz, Sara Taksler, Glenn Tartaglia, Adriane Truex, Shannon Turgeon, Marilyn Vigilante, Misha Vool, Juliet Werner, Einar Westerlund, Mike Williams, Nate Witmer, Michelle Wolf, Roy Wood Jr., Fiona Wozniak, Rich York, and Rob York.

Thanks also to CAA (Andy Elkin, C. C. Hirsch, Cait Hoyt, David Larabell, Rachel Rusch), UTA (Greg Cavic), Schreck, Rose, Dapello & Adams LLC (Nancy Rose, Carolyn Conrad), and Norm Aladjem, Derek Van Pelt, Sanaz Yamin, and everyone at Mainstay Entertainment.

A special thanks to all our Verified Survivors for bravely recounting their experiences.

We especially h/t Twitter for existing and, on a smaller scale, accommodating our requests.

And of course we’d be utterly remiss, and possibly deported, if we failed to acknowledge the true genius contributions of President Donald J. Trump. (’Sup Dan Scavino yeah we know you’re out there.)

Finally, a very special thanks to our tremendous host, Trevor Noah, who back in 2015 was the first at TDS to recognize that DJT was, in fact, going to become our Commander-In-Tweet.

PHOTO AND ART CREDITS

Cover · Frame by Iakov Filimonov/Shutterstock, Background by GraphicaArtis/Getty Images, Photos from left to right by Drew Angerer/Getty Images, Samuel Corum/Anadolu Agency via Getty Images, John Thys/AFP via Getty Images, Michael Brochstein/SOPA Images/LightRocket via Getty Images, Alex Wong/Getty Images, Win McNamee/Getty Images, Aaron P. Bernstein/Getty Images, Michael Reynolds-Pool/Getty Images, Timothy A. Clary/AFP via Getty Images, Drew Angerer/Getty Images, Alex Wong/Getty Images, Mark Wilson/Getty Images. Designed by Joe Dettmore, The Daily Show with Trevor Noah, Composited by Greg Mollica, S&G. 1 · Sculpture by Justin Chabot, The Daily Show with Trevor Noah, photo by Rob Kim/Getty Images. 2 · photo by Jeff Schear/Getty Images. 3 · Graphic Illustrations by Joe Dettmore, The Daily Show with Trevor Noah. 4 · Background by KazanovskyAndrey/iStock via Getty Images. 5 · Photo by Nick Dyer, Comedy Central. 6 · Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images. 7 · Graphic Illustration by Michelle Willems/Comedy Central. 8 · Photo by Bettmann/Getty Images. 9 · Photo by Amanda Schwab/StarPix/REX via Shutterstock. 10 · Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images. 11 · Photo by Rob Kim/Getty Images. 12 · Letter provided by Mike Tollin. 13 · Trump Photo by George Napolitano/FilmMagic via Getty Images. 14 · Obama’s Birth Certificate via obamawhitehouse.archives.gov. 15 · Photo by Mark Makela/Getty Images. 16 · Paul Faith/AFP via Getty Images. 17 Saul Loeb/AFP via Getty Images. 18 · Photo by Drew Anger/Getty Images. 19, 20, 21, 22, 23 · Medals Designed by The Daily Show with Trevor Noah, Arranged by Pop2Life, Photos by Lane Savage/Comedy Central, Frames by leezsnow/E+ via Getty Images. 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 · Illustrations by Boris Rasin, Frames by ChrisAt/E+ via Getty Images, Backgrounds by Pinghung Chen/EyeEm via Getty Images. 38 · Background by GOLDsquirrel/iStock via Getty Images. 39 · Exhibit photo by Sean Gallagher, The Daily Show with Trevor Noah, Map by gio_banfi/DigitalVision Vectors via Getty Images, Flags by pop_jop/DigitalVision Vectors via Getty Images. 40 · Created by Pop2Life/The Daily Show with Trevor Noah, Exhibit photo by Sean Gallagher, The Daily Show with Trevor Noah. 41 · Graphic Illustration by Dave Heiss/The Daily Show with Trevor Noah, Background Texture by Juhku/iStock via Getty Images. 42 · Pillar photo by ipopba/iStock via Getty Images Plus, Background by noppadon_sangpeam/iStock via Getty Images. 43 · Graphic Illustration by Katie Hall/The Daily Show with Trevor Noah, photos by sirapob/iStock via Getty Images, Xinzheng/Moment via Getty Images, sorendls/E+ via Getty Images, Xinzheng/Moment via Getty Images, Natalia Bazani/EyeEm via Getty Images, Wavebreakmedia/iStock via Getty Images, michaeljung/iStock via Getty Images. 44 · Left to right, photos by Michael Loccisano/Getty Images, Mark Wilson/Getty Images, Joe Kohen/Getty Images, Theo Wargo/Getty Images. 45 · Top to bottom, photos by Steffi Loos/Getty Images, Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images, Paul Morigi/Getty Images, Spencer Platt/Getty Images, Theo Wargo/Getty Images, Mario Tama/Getty Images, Monica Schipper/Getty Images, Mike Windle/Getty Images, Paul Morigi/Getty Images. 46 · Photo by Sean Gallagher/The Daily Show with Trevor Noah. 47 · Graphic Illustration by Katie Hall/The Daily Show with Trevor Noah, photos by Fine Art Images/Heritage Images via Getty Images, Nicholas Kamm/AFP via Getty Images. 48 · Witch Hunt Graphic Illustration by Joe Dettmore/The Daily Show with Trevor Noah, Photos by Jewel Samad/AFP via Getty Images, Universal History Archive/UIG via Getty Images, The New York Historical Society via Getty Images. 49 · Created by Ramin Hedayati and Matt Negrin/The Daily Show with Trevor Noah, Photo by Lane Savage/Comedy Central, Clockwise starting from top left, photos by Alex Wong/Getty Images, Win McNamee/Getty Images, Johnny Louis/Wire-Image via Getty Images, Mark Wilson/Getty Images, Alex Wong/Getty Images, Peter Macdiarmid/AFP via Getty Images, Melina Mara/The Washington Post via Getty Images, Dean Mouhtaropoulos/Getty Images, John Moore/Getty Images, Mark Wilson/Getty Images, Paul J. Richards/AFP via Getty Images, Brendan Smialowski/AFP via Getty Images, Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images, Jung Yeon-Je/AFP via Getty Images, Al Drago/CQ Roll Call via Getty Images, Nicholas Kamm/AFP via Getty Images, Katherine Frey/The Washington Post via Getty Images, Jim Watson/AFP via Getty Images, Paul J. Richards/AFP via Getty Images, Mikhail Svetlov/Getty Images, Saul Loeb/AFP via Getty Images, other elements provided by jakkapan21/iStock via Getty Images, kolae/iStock via Getty Images. 50, 51, 52, 53 · Medals Designed by Michael Hogan/The Daily Show with Trevor Noah, Arranged by Pop2Life, Photos by Lane Savage/Comedy Central, Frames by leezsnow/E+ via Getty Images. 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62 · Mark Cuban photo by Allen Berezovsky/Getty Images, Touré image courtesy of Touré, Official Headshot of Kirsten Gillibrand provided by her office, Official Headshot of Debbie Wasserman Schultz provided by her office, Stephen King photo by Leigh Vogel/WireImage via Getty Images, Barney Frank photo by Ray Tamarra/GC Images via Getty Images, Kenya Barris photo by Mike Coppola/Getty Images, Kathy Griffin photo by Paul Morigi/WireImage via Getty Images, Vicente Fox photo by Allen Berezovsky/Getty Images, frames by Beeldbewerking/iStock via Getty Images. 63 · All nametag photos by Sean Gallagher, The Daily Show with Trevor Noah. 64 · Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images. 65 · Frames by JoKMedia/E+ via Getty Images. 66 · Frame by ISMODE/iStock via Getty Images. For photos, see “Cover.” 67 · Photo by Rob Kim/Getty Images. 68 · Created by Pop2Life/The Daily Show with Trevor Noah, photo by Anthony Dobrini/Pop2Life.

IN MEMORIAM

ALTHOUGH ALL TRUMP TWEETS ARE PERFECT, SOME WERE TOO PERFECT TO LAST.

HERE LIES A SELECTION OF TWEETS DELETED BEFORE THEIR TIME.

Table of Contents

Title Page

Copyright

Contributors

Contents

Introduction by Trevor Noah

Foreword by Jon Meacham

The Donald J. Trump Presidential Twitter Library

Terrific History: The Trump Twitter Timeline

Masterworks

Birth of a Birther

9/11 Haters & Losers

Taco Bowls

Lyin' Ted

The Special Relationship: Fox & Friends & Forty-Five

Greatest Battles

The Second Civil War

The Bushkrieg

The War of Masculine Aggression

The Battle of Bullshit Run

The Diet Coke Rebellion

The Nicknames

Sad!: A Retrospective

The World According to Trump

Trump vs. Trump

Elements!!! of Style: Poetics of a President

Masterworks II

Covfefe

Nobody Has More Respect

Composition in Meme and Bodyslam

My Button Works

Very Stable Genius

Masterwork Workshop:The Making of "Very Stable Genius"

Hall of Retweets

The Wall

By the Numbers

Featured Collections

I'm the Best

Constructive Criticism

Like a Dog

Holiday Cheer

Wow

Birther of a Nation

Enigmas of MAGA

Trumpstradamus

The Jump to 280

Masterworks III

Phone Tapp

Due Process

Witch Hunt

Bleeding Badly

War And Tweets: The Real Russia Investigation

Greatest Battles II

Courter's Last Stand

Global Warring

The Battle of K-Patz

The Problem with Those People

Verified Survivors

Melania Trump: Trying to Help

Masterworks IV

Illegal Voters

Born Fucked Up

Impeach for Gross Incompetence

Forgery Alert: "Nothing to Hide"

11 Minutes

You Too Can Be a Part of History

On the Cover: Trump Crossing the Delaware

Acknowledgments

Photo and Art Credits

In Memoriam: Deleted but Not Forgotten